Butters' Guide on How to Wake Your Permanent Roommate
by rensrenegade
Summary: Butters had come up with an idea, with the help of Kyle who did the same with Stan, to wake Kenny when his late sleeping wore thin on his nerves. It was a little wrong but a little more hilarious and it worked every time. Kyle called it "Mission Impossible: Kill the Foghorn" but Butters came up with a simpler name for him and Kenny: "Ways to Wake Your Permanent Room-Mate".
1. How to Wake Your Permanent Roommate

_Author's Note: I needed to write this as a way to break from the current depressing stuff I'm writing and also this is based on my life right now. It kind of has to do with living with your best friend/permanent roommate and... certain behaviors you have to get used to and grow to love while also dealing with the one thing you can't handle. So it's just various snippets that go with that. It's just meant to be a fun read. :)_

_Oh, and Butters and Kenny are about 21/22 in this._

_Enjoy!_

* * *

_**Butters' Guide on How to Wake Your Permanent Room-Mate:**_

Between the three years they dated and decided to move in together Butters had become accustomed to several of Kenny's habits, and vice versa. Kenny worked passed midnight and Butters fell asleep by nine. Butters hated the dark and slept with a night light and Kenny talked in his sleep. They both slept odd, and often woke up in various positions that were camera-worthy; usually Butters woke up to find Kenny with his head at the foot of the bed and his leg in a bent position ready to kick. Butters half the time woke up on the floor or spread-eagle across the bed. Butters had to drink two cups of coffee before he could function properly and Kenny usually walked around naked until three in the afternoon.

It had taken them awhile to get used to the various habits they had kept. Some things were hilarious, like Kenny's concerts he put on while showering, and others were a little tiresome, like Butters' near OCD-style cleaning. But they worked together to make it work or get used to the behaviors that they loved each other for.

Except there was one thing that aggravated Butters to no end. He always felt bad about it because Kenny worked so late but he couldn't help but get annoyed; on his days off Kenny slept most of the day. In fact, he'd usually wake up at five or six at night. His schedule was pretty off and it bothered Butters to no end, especially because they already had so little time together. That and sleeping until six seemed wrong; seven hours of sleep was what he usually got. And although Kenny managed about three and a half, when he had the day off he slept for at least fifteen.

SoButters had come up with an idea, with the help of Kyle who did the same with Stan, to wake Kenny when his late sleeping wore thin on his nerves. It was a little wrong but a little more hilarious and it worked every time. Kyle called it "Mission Impossible: Kill the Foghorn" but Butters came up with a simpler name for him and Kenny: "Ways to Wake Your Permanent Room-Mate". And yes, he did blog about it. In fact, it was quite popular. Sometimes he included pictures and videos, which made it even more funny; Kenny knew about it, unfortunately for him, and after the initial shock, surprise, or sometimes anger ebbed away, he laughed about it.

Usually.

What Butters didn't understand was that Kenny was smart. Very, very smart; more street smart than book smart but he more brains than people gave him credit for. In fact, Butters was the only one who knew Kenny was taking online classes between his hectic work schedule; mostly because Kenny knew everyone would push him to excel and that just wasn't his thing. But knowing he was smart, he didn't know why Kenny didn't catch on to his series of ways to wake him. Each day he tried, Kenny was still surprised, still scared, or chased him around the apartment and wrestled with him until it turned into a tickle war.

Thankfully they never really fought. Butters could only think of three times they ever had a serious fight, and even though one time it was his fault, Kenny always took the blame. And he always made it up to him in the stupidest and cheesiest ways. Sure, they sometimes got annoyed with each other, but rather than bitch and moan about it in a passive-aggressive manner they talked about it and worked through it. They each made changes for each other; like how Butters had to adjust to the thermostat on 67 degrees because Kenny liked it on 65 whereas he preferred 70. And Kenny gave up smoking cigarettes in trade for those electronic ones because the apartment they chose didn't allow smoking at all.

So given the fact they never fought, Butters was really lucky that Kenny never lashed out at him for his constant wake up schemes. In fact, Butters was more angry about Kenny sleeping than Kenny was about being pranked every other Saturday and every third Sunday.

Butters sighed and turned off the television which played a re-run of "The Big Bang Theory". He glanced at the clock that read "4:37" and sighed heavily before he set the remote on the loveseat and sat up from his laying position. He had already ran the morning errands, met with Bebe like they usually did every Saturday, and worked on some of his capstone project before taking an hour break.

Which was where he was now.

From the living room he could hear Kenny's phone vibrate on the nightstand. Butters tossed the blanket onto the couch and crept toward their bedroom. His hand rested on the doorknob, and he took a deep breath before he turned the handle.

Here goes nothing, he sighed, and shut the door behind him.


	2. You're a Turkey

_Author's Note: The current stance between my permanent roommate and I is: Me: 38 PR: 1 (as of today)_

_Chapter One: You're a Turkey_

* * *

"I can't take it anymore! It's 6:30 at night, Kyle! And he's been asleep since 2:00 in the morning, I am so fed up!"

"Well you know he usually works double shifts and-"

"I know..." Butters groaned, then threw himself on the couch as he talked heatedly to Kyle, who was usually the one with something bothering him. It was a nice change, Butters figured, but he didn't like that he had to deal with this problem. Kenny had carried on like this far too long, and Butters had given up his habit of folding their clothes before they had sex so Kenny could get over sleeping so damn late. Compromise.

"I guess there is something you could try..."

"No, he doesn't like sleep sex, I tried it." Kyle snickered on the other end and Butters' face flushed dark red as he realized that's not what his dear friend was suggesting. "It was his birthday, shut up!" He heard Kyle chortle a few more moments, then took a deep breath.

"Okay, definitely didn't need to know that. I was going to say Stan used to sleep in like crazy but I managed to figure out a tactic to use... now he's sometimes up before me." Butters perked up at that; he knew Stan loved sleep more than most; part of that had to do with the medication he was on but, details.

"What's that?" Butters asked curiously; if it worked for Stan it should work for Kenny. Although he wanted Kenny to catch up on sleep he hated the fact it took up most of the day. And even if they didn't do anything together at least Kenny wouldn't waste his day sleeping.

"It's what I call "Mission Impossible: Kill the Foghorn," Butters chuckled at that; Stan snored incredibly loud. Part of that had to do with breathing problems, but regardless, Butters woke up terrified several times that there was a cow in the Marsh's basement when they were still in high school. And even when they had their once a month sleepovers. "Pretty much you just think of the cruelest ways to wake him up, physically or verbally. Like yesterday he was late for class so I flipped the mattress."

"You _what_?!" Butters cried. He had no idea Kyle was so strong. Then again he had been the star of the basketball team in high school so he was bound to have muscle from that.

"Mhmm, oh he was so fucking pissed, I swore he was gonna bite my head off. But I've been doing shit like that for the past year so he knows to expect it by now."

"And... and he stays up?" Butters asked as he glanced to the closed bedroom door. Not a sound came from their room; thankfully Kenny didn't snore. He only snuffled when he had a cold and then it was adorable. Butters was the one who had the snoring tendencies, and it wasn't that bad, anyway.

"Course, he knows not to test me." Butters smiled and nodded. He was pretty sure everyone knew not to test him. Except Cartman but that was a different story. "So... are you willing to torture Kenny?"

When Butters heard the words "torture Kenny" his mind created a very different image than Kyle, he was sure. Butter smiled and laughed a little before he cleared his throat, shook his head of the thoughts, and heard Kyle gag in disgust. "Gross. No, literally torture... not your weird kinky sex version of torture."

"It's not weird! Not as weird as the one time you tried to-"

"No, okay fine it's not weird!" Kyle interrupted quickly with a slightly shrill voice; Butters smirked in response. "Fine... here's what you're gonna do..."

Butters sighed heavily as he quietly entered their bedroom. Kenny lay on his back with his head to the side as he slept soundly. The twenty-one year old closed the door and quietly opened the package in his hands and bit his lip.

He chose the lesser of the evils Kyle had suggested. He didn't want to scare Kenny, as he would go into protective mode and be half paranoid the rest of the night, and he didn't want to piss him off. This seemed the funniest to him, as well as the most random.

Carefully, he pulled down the blankets so Kenny's torso was exposed. He was wearing a thin tank top that he usually slept in, and he faintly saw goose pimples on his arms.

Butters tossed a slice of lunch meat turkey at Kenny, and watched as it landed on his stomach. Kenny remained still, and exhaled deeply, blowing his long blonde hair out of his face for a moment. Butters grimaced and threw another slice, harder this time. It landed with a slapping sound on his arm, and Kenny turned his head.

He continued throwing piece after piece on Kenny, covering him in lunch meat. Of course he wasn't going to let it go to waste, which was a pet peeve of Kenny's, and he'd put the meat back in the fridge as soon as Kenny woke up. But he didn't so much as move a muscle, which bothered Butters.

"Damn you Kyle," Butters grumbled vehemently as he chucked one of the last slices as hard as he could. It landed with a smack on Kenny's face, and the dark blonde grumbled quietly as he flinched instinctively. Butters watched as Kenny's head moved and his eyes opened slowly.

"W-what...?" he asked groggily, hair messy and his left eye covered by the lunch meat. "Wha's on my face?" he reached up and jumped in alarm when feeling something cold and wet that was definitely not his skin. "The fuck?!" He cried, ripping it away from his face, then yelped when he looked down and saw he was covered in sliced turkey. "Lee, what the _hell_?!"

Unsure of what else to say, Butters took a step back and smiled innocently. Kenny narrowed his eyes on him as he quickly pulled off the turkey in an angry huff.

"Lunch is ready?" He asked more than stated, and prepared to run.

Apparently what he said was perfect, because Kenny burst out laughing and stared in amazement at his boyfriend. The dark blonde shook his head as he pulled the final slice from his stomach and held up the wasted fifteen or so pieces. He shook his head and popped a slice in his mouth and threw one at Butters.

"What time is it?" Kenny questioned sleepily, then let out a startled chuckle as he caught sight of the alarm clock. Butters gave an unimpressed nod as he took back the turkey slices. Except he slapped Kenny with one, causing him to stick out his tongue in response. "Why lunch meat? Why wouldn't you just... shake me and say 'wakey wakey eggs and bakey'?" Butters barked a laugh as he walked out of the room. Kenny sighed and sluggishly followed behind him.

"Because it was genius, and you never wake up to that but tell me to "fuck off", and because we should be eating _dinner,_" Butters grumbled darkly but wore a smile as he saw Kenny rub his eyes like a little kid. He would keep out the fact that Kyle told him about this idea; Kenny and Stan didn't need to talk about this, otherwise they'd find a way to get back at them. "But just know this, Kenneth McCormick, each time you sleep late, passed... I dunno, I'll give you til 1:00, if you sleep later than 1:00 then other things like this will happen. You won't know when or where or how. But I will get you to wake up... and it will be glorious. And I will laugh. And you will... well you won't cry, but it'll be pretty damn hilarious." Kenny just stared at him and blinked a couple of times before he grabbed him and hugged him tight. "Hugs won't get you out of this, mister," Butters whined miserably. But he just smiled down at his boyfriend and kissed his forehead.

"But... you're really cute when you're tryin' to be mad and threatening."

"Well... you know what?!" Butters barked, startling Kenny for a moment. Butters turned to him and smacked his shoulder lightly. "You're... you're a-a... you're a turkey!" Kenny bit his lip and looked as if he were struggling to not laugh as he looked at Butters, whose menacing expression was fading fast. "But you'll regret it, Kenny. Mark my words," he murmured feebly as he finished his sinister threat. Kenny smiled and nodded as he stroked his cheek.

"Got it, Chaos." Kenny said with a slightly affectionate, slightly mocking tone as he took the package of turkey from Butters' hand. "Now... turkey dinner?"

"Isn't that cannibalism for you?" Butters tried to growl his retort. Kenny smirked and gnashed his teeth together before he walked into the kitchen. Butters glowered as he watched him walk with an extra spring in his step.

But Butters smiled a little as he realized something; he had tomorrow. And at that, he beamed.


	3. I Bought A Puppy

_Author's Note: This is the one in my life today (3/2/14). _

_It did not go according to plan. -stares at puppy-_

_Chapter Two: I Bought a Puppy_

* * *

Butters opened the door and gazed at the messy bed and the lump that had burrowed to the middle. Kenny's feet were poking out of the blankets and his right arm dangled off the edge. Butters sat on the opposite corner of the bed and crossed his legs. Kenny shifted slightly when feeling the weight of the bed pull down, but breathed deeply; telling Butters he was still asleep.

"Kenny..." Butters murmured quietly, then shook his arm, or where he figured his arm would be. Kenny moaned quietly and stirred. "Kenny, I need to talk to you."

"Not. Now." Was the low, half asleep response he received.

Butters slowly smirked and softly shook his side, causing Kenny to grumble and groan as he turned away from Butters.

"Keeeeeennnnyyyy..." Butters sang, earning a loud fake snore from his boyfriend. Butters' face fell and he glared for a moment. "You know how you got that bonus cash the other day?" Kenny stopped snoring and pulled the blankets from his face.

Butters tried not to laugh as Kenny's face was finally exposed to him. He had a wrinkle on his cheek from the messy covers, his eyes and face were puffy and flushed from sleep, and his hair stuck up in every way imaginable from tossing and turning and static. But most of all he did not look amused.

"Yeah...?" he asked slowly, unsure of what Butters would say next. They had decided that bonus would be saved to buy a better car, rather than the old car that was pushing 280,000 miles that Kenny claimed as his "baby".

"Well..." Butters said, face lighting up as all of the curiosity fell from Kenny's face and was replace with worry. "I was doing some looking around..."

"No-"

"-And I was with Bebe today-"

"No, no _definitely_ not-" Butters tried not to laugh as Kenny's face grew more and more alarmed.

"And I bought a puppy!"

"A.. puppy?" Kenny asked slowly, in total disbelief. He looked to the door and expected to hear tiny feet scratching on the floor, or quiet whimpers from their new pet. He wouldn't mind a puppy; although they'd have to go through management and all of the paperwork he was not looking forward to. A puppy wasn't such a bad thing, though. Butters nodded. "How much?"

"Six hundred dollars."

"_What_." Kenny didn't ask, didn't shout, just asked in a flat deadpan that would rival Craig Tucker's. Butters tried not to laugh as Kenny fought to get out of the cocoon of blankets he had made for himself and ended up rolling on the floor. He landed on his back with a thud, grunted, and scrambled out of the sheets.

"Well I figured that it was really cute and really worth the money because we will love it and it needed a home."  
"What." Kenny repeated, then pulled at his hair in alarm. "We-we can't have a puppy worth six hundred dollars! I don't have that kind of money, Leopold, my bonus was _$250_! Not $600!"

"Yeah... about that..." The sound that came from Kenny's mouth was a string of vowels and consonants that didn't make a single word Butters could understand. For a brief moment it sounded Russian, and then a little bit like Armenian, but then Kenny lost him. All he could do was try not to

"We- what- you... gah!" Kenny opened the door and slammed it shut as he half ran, half stumbled out of the room. Butters' face fell as he quickly stood up and ran after him. Uh-oh. This wasn't good at all.

Kenny, being raised in the poorest family in South Park, was definitely the most frugal person he knew. That being said he also tried to earn as much money as humanly possible and every penny was saved.

Butters closed the door to their bedroom and skidded to a halt when he saw Kenny standing in the living room, with his back to him and his arms folded. The dark blonde turned to him and wore a face of confusion.

"Why is there no puppy?" He asked quietly as he looked at the empty grocery bags on the kitchen counter. Butters sighed heavily and smiled angelically as he saw Kenny's expression turn from confusion to slight dejection.

"I really didn't get a puppy." Kenny narrowed his eyes and raised an eyebrow as he looked at Butters, who beamed even more innocently. "I just-"

"...dammit." Butters saw the realization hit his face, like it did every time, and Butters covered his laugh by coughing into his arm. Kenny glared at him and sat down on the arm rest of the couch as he looked around.

"What, you're upset I didn't spend your bonus?"

"No... I'm overjoyed about that." Kenny huffed and smiled at that. Butters rolled his eyes, "but... you offered a puppy."

"Waityou'retellingmeyouwantapuppy?" Butters gushed as he paused in front of the fridge. Kenny shrugged as he ran his hand through his sleep-mussed hair. Butters waited for his answer and finally opened the fridge, pulling out a carton of eggs and orange juice.

"Well... maybe. Who could say no to a puppy?!"

"A $600 puppy?" Butters asked, raising an eyebrow. Kenny looked at him, defeated.

"No, but a puppy would do." Butters grinned as he cracked the egg and sprinkled a little pepper on it before he stirred it together. Kenny yawned and sluggishly sat on the counter as he watched Butters pour the egg in the skillet.

"Why am I making you breakfast?" Butters finally asked, disgruntled, "I should be makin' dinner."

"It's morning for me... give me a couple hours, I'll be hungry again." The bright blonde glowered momentarily before he scrambled the eggs. "Dammit, I was expecting a little ball of fluff." Butters pointed to the top of his head and Kenny snickered as he slipped his big toes in the belt loops on Butters' jeans. "I meant one I could play with."

"Once again..." the blonde trailed off and pointed to his head. Kenny smiled and pulled him closer. "So, I think you won that one." Kenny shrugged and beamed as he looked proudly at his boyfriend.

"I'm just glad I have my $250. But I'd be okay with a puppy. What gave you the idea anyway?" Kenny asked curiously. Butters caught his eye and smiled slowly.

"Let's just say Bebe got back at Clyde for that shit he pulled last week," Kenny smirked and told himself to remember to applaud Bebe the next time he saw her. "And I'm still sore at you."

"Well you know you can always just cuddle me to wake me up," the dark blonde suggested brightly. Butters rolled his eyes; he tried cuddling. Kenny just made him his life-sized teddy bear and slept for four more hours and Butters hadn't been able escape his death grip.

"Riiight," he grumbled sarcastically, earning a grin in response, "you still upset there's no puppy?" Kenny shook his head.

"A little heartbroken but I'll survive..." Kenny teased dramatically. "I wasn't opposed to the idea. Butters scoffed and smiled a little at him before he went back to cook Kenny's breakfast-dinner.

"Maybe next time I will bring a puppy. A big puppy. One that'll slobber all over ya."

"That still won't wake me up, you tried that once." Butters wore a blank face as he looked at his boyfriend, who hummed in pride at his offhand comment.

"Don't tempt me, Kenneth Daniel... we have tomorrow."  
"That's something for Future Kenny to worry about... and that guy's dumb."

"Present Kenny's pushing it," Butters quipped, handing him the plate with his eggs on it. Kenny shot him a look with his signature wide eyes and pouted lip and the bright blonde groaned in annoyance and quickly looked away.

"We don't need a damn puppy, we got one on the counter..." he grumbled, then walked back to the couch. Kenny hummed happily then hopped off of his perch to join Butters.

"But let's just say you wanted a puppy... what kind would you want?" he asked quietly. The bright blonde looked at him warily but said nothing as he pressed the "guide" button on the remote. He scanned the channels multiple times before settling on "How I Met Your Mother" which was one of Kenny's favorite shows; mostly because of Alyson Hannigan. And Neil Patrick Harris.

"Um... a big one. An English Mastiff or like a... Russian Caucasian Mountain Dog." Kenny furrowed his eyebrows and Butters held up a finger before he typed the breed into his smart phone. He showed a picture to Kenny, who jumped back and shook his head wildly.

"That's like a fucking horse-dog, it would _kill_ me," Butters scoffed at that and looked at the large fluffy dog on his screen, "if I wanted a dog I would want a lab or somethin'. Or a Pug."

"You? A pug?" Butters asked in surprise. Kenny shrugged.

"You put that thing in a suit and name it Frank and tell me that's not cool." Butters rolled his eyes and put his feet on Kenny's lap as he ate. Kenny glared at him momentarily but chose to ignore his feet as he finished eating. "So between a pug and a Russian beast... what are our choices?

"You're serious about this, aren't you?" Butters asked in surprise. The blonde next to him nodded and sighed before he began to massage Butters' left foot. "You know me so well."

"'Course I do, but yeah... kinda. I've got puppy fever now because of you, you don't tell a sleeping person there is a damn dog!"

"Well, that's why you wake up, lover," was his reply, "but I think we have a rule on how big the dog can be, so we'd have to follow that."

"No, they got rid of that guideline after the manager decided to let that family in 31-A have that big ass dog that their little boy Carson rides as a horse."

"I thought he used him as his real life Balto," Butters mumbled. Kenny nodded.

"Yeah, that too. I usually leave for work and I hear him yelling "mush! Mush!" One time I looked and the dog was just standing there but that boy was having the time of his life." The lighter blonde smiled and cracked his toes, which caused Kenny to pull his hands back and push his feet off of him. "No, sick!" He whined as he wiped his hands on the couch, "you know I hate that!"

Butters turned and laid on his lap as they stared at the television. Kenny was mostly watching the show but he could tell at times he glanced down at him as he ran his hands through his hair.

He jumped when Kenny's phone sounded and looked to see Kenny's crestfallen expression.

"Hey... they need me at work for an hour or two..."  
"No." Butters whined and grabbed at Kenny's arm, "no, they already told you your days off are definite..." Kenny smiled sadly and leaned down to kiss him softly.

"I gotta at least go see what's up, look I'm sorry, I really don't wanna go in, hon, but..."

"Fine." Butters snapped and pulled himself away from Kenny. The young man who stood at a near 6'5" sighed sadly and quickly hurried to his room, where he dressed in his uniform of black slacks and a black button up shirt. Every time Butters saw him in that outfit his heart skipped a beat because he could easily picture him in a similar manner standing at an altar. But he shook his head of those thoughts and smiled sadly as Kenny walked up to him.

"Please don't be mad...?" Kenny asked as he knelt before him. His knees popped as he captured his lips in a kiss. Butters kissed back chastely and nodded before he got up and went to the kitchen.

"I'll have dinner ready for when you come home..."

He got a text from Kenny twenty minutes later telling him he made it to work and it shouldn't be more than a half an hour. That was better than nothing, Butters figured, and pulled out a package of chicken to defrost.

Butters didn't understand why his schemes never worked with Kenny. Sure he had pranked him, twice, but somehow it seemed to always backfire. It had been successful to wake him up, but somehow Kenny kept pulling it around and made it work for him. That was what bothered Butters, but not as much as the fact that he had to do it in the first place. Was it too much to ask that he wanted some time with him?

Butters heard the door to their apartment click just as he finished sauteing the vegetables with the chicken.

"Hey, Lee, we need to talk." Butters' face fell as Kenny entered the front door, looking more alert than he usually did when coming home from work. But he also saw a tinge of nervousness. Butters turned off the stove top and put the pan on one of the cooled burners.

"Okay...?" he trailed off uneasily; he hated conversations starting with that four worded sentence. But he knew whenever Kenny started off like that nothing bad was going to be said.

"I uh... what if I told you I managed to lose my bonus?"

"W-what?!" Butters cried as Kenny smiled angelically at him. He pulled at his hair as he stalked up to Kenny, "you're the best worker they have why would they do- did your stomach just make that noise?" Butters asked as he stopped in front of Kenny, who was trying his hardest not to laugh. Butters poked at his flat stomach, causing the taller of the two to flinch and yank away from him.

"Uh, well... maybe." Butters looked at him curiously, "well, before you freak out..."

"Kenny..."

"I invested in something that I just... I think it's worth it."

"The last time you did that we nearly died." Kenny scoffed and went to the door once again.

"I promise we won't die. In fact..." he opened the door and Butters gawked in awe. A tiny high-pitched bark was heard, and he let out an astonished laugh as a fluffy St. Bernard puppy cautiously stepped into the apartment. "I bought a puppy."


	4. Heavy Metal Wake Up

_Author's Note: __I figured since I had to wake my troublesome roommate for class today rather than just the weekend (which I am ever so looking forward to... *sigh*) I figured I could post an extra one for this weekend. _Yeah... this happened. By the way, all song references in this chapter are poorly made out of stupid humor. And if you don't know the song I'm talking about then you really need to fix that. _And kudos to anyone who knows what the title of this chapter is from. _

_Thanks for all of the reviews, follows, and favorites. You're all great :)._

_...I'm contemplating on making an actual blog for Butters' ideas. Not sure as that would take a lot of time and that's something I don't have, but if you want to weigh in on that option go ahead. It would probably be something for me to do in the summer. _

_Once again, thank you for checking out this silly little story. It means the world._

_Oh, and I also suggest **not** doing this. What happened between Kenny and Butters was actually nice... may my first guitar rest in pieces. (Hint: I said first. :D)_

* * *

Butters grinned as he stood next to the nightstand on Kenny's side of the bed, and looked down at his sleeping lover.

The idea had come last night when Stan and Kenny played a gig for their joke of a band that had started to become more popular in the local music scene. It was interesting to see people wear the shirts Kenny made out of boredom and a bit of a high, but Butters was proud of them nonetheless.

Except one idea stuck in his mind all night as he sat at the merch table with Kyle or took pictures for their band page, and nagged at his brain all the way into the morning.

He gazed down at his boyfriend, who looked incredibly peaceful and content as he slept on his side. One leg was bent while the other stretched outside of the blankets. One arm seemed to hug himself and the other lay under his pillow. Worry wasn't furrowed in his brow and he couldn't help but feel bad that he was about to shatter that peace.

But feeling bad was soon replaced with a feeling Kyle described as "sadistic humor", although he wouldn't go that far. From what he heard from Kyle, he had way worse tricks up his sleeve than he could possibly imagine. All he wanted was for Kenny to wake up and stay up; not die of a heart attack. And he remembered hugging Stan a little tighter last night before they all split up and headed home.

It was a little earlier than he usually woke Kenny; it was going on 3:15 and that was only because... well because he could. His warning had been for anytime after 1:00, and he hadn't been cruel enough to wake him at 1:01.

"Ken..." Butters called gently as his final peace offering. A part of him wished he'd open his eyes and slowly wake up on his own accord, but happily so he could have time to actually do something. But a part of him was glad that the only thing Kenny did was twitch his lip and take a deep inhale.

His mind was filled with worry for a moment; mostly because he didn't want to anger their neighbors. They already had one noise complaint and he was embarrassed as to why; he couldn't look them in the eye even to this date and it occurred almost a year ago. Kenny just said they were prudes and he wanted to show off the fact he was dating the world's loudest screamer; or so he said. Plus it didn't help they had gotten a new bed.

But as he flipped the switch on the amp he didn't really care. Beth and Jim could complain all they wanted; this would be hilarious and well deserved; after all they put up with their screaming matches almost every night. The hum from the guitar amplifier filled the room and he winced, hoping Kenny wouldn't wake up from that.

The amp just so happened to be placed right above his head. Kenny liked to move to the middle of the bed, and he usually took his pillow with him. That left enough room for Butters to set the amplifier down and make sure it was secure.

Butters was great on the drums but didn't how to play guitar at all. So this was going to be interesting.

He turned the volume up all the way to ten, then pressed a button on Kenny's guitar pedal and hoped for the best.

The bright blonde took three deep breaths, closed his eyes, and strummed down as hard and loud as he could onto the guitar strings. He continued playing even as Kenny jolted violently from the bed and jumped back onto his knees as he covered his ears.

"Jesus Christ! Turn that off!" He cried, then yanked the cord out of the amp. Butters heard a whine of feedback for a moment, and watched the red light on the amp fade as he unplugged it. "What the actual fuck?!"

Butters giggled and lifted the guitar and strap off of his shoulder. Kenny glared at him with glazed eyes; he looked more tired than usual and for a brief moment Butters felt bad. But the he figured if he got a couple cups of coffee running through his system he'd be wide awake. Usually.

"Good morning, sunshine!" Butters sang, earning a deep scowl as Kenny ran his hands over his face and scrubbed his hair back from his forehead.

"It's too fuckin' early, that's what is it...?" Kenny glanced to the clock and groaned dismally. It was, in fact, not early at all. And that's what bothered him. But Butters just continued to smile and gently tugged at his arm.

"Early my butt," Butters barked, earning a half-amused look from Kenny, who pulled the blankets back over him but didn't lay down.

"I feel like you're getting eviller and eviller." Butters shrugged as he opened the door and pulled at Kenny's arm. The taller man shook his head and threw himself back on the bed.

"You think I'm evil? At least I'm not putting a snake in your pants..." Kenny smirked and lifted an eyebrow as he looked up at his boyfriend. He pulled him down on the bed, and Butters groaned in slight annoyance as Kenny's hands rested on his sides.

"Oh, _sweetheart_, you realize you don't gotta put a snake in my pants, right? Our gracious God already did that."

"So that's where my pet garter snake went!" Butters cried jokingly, earning a slack-jaw expression from Kenny. "Kidding... I hate snakes." He shivered violently and made a face as he recalled a childhood memory of cleaning the gutters and finding a huge ball of snakes writhing around on their roof. He shuddered once more and tried to think of anything else but that.

"Hey now..." Kenny grumbled with a fake hurt voice. Butters laughed evilly as he crawled up Kenny's legs and straddled him. "_You_ were the one who brought up snakes in pants. I'm only stating a _fact_." Butters rolled his eyes and leaned down to capture Kenny's lips in a kiss.

"So what...? Does your anaconda want some or not?" Butters asked in a purr, Kenny's shoulders shook as he snickered and gazed lovingly up at the bright blonde, who to this day maintained a pure and innocent look.

"Hmm... you got buns, hon. So what d'you think?" Kenny teased. Butters just smiled and pressed his index finger to Kenny's lips.

"Well, I'm thinkin' about stickin'..." Butters murmured before he chortled, earning an eyeroll and a laugh from Kenny before he kissed him once more and laid back on the bed.


	5. All Fired Up

_Author's Note: This fluff is seriously going to be the death of me. _

* * *

Butters felt the uneasy pause from the other line of the telephone and held his breath as he waited for his answer. The twenty-one year old ran a hand through his hair and bit his lip nervously as he hoped for the best answer; otherwise this call was extremely awkward.

"Sure, I can do that," was the answer he received. Butters beamed and suppressed his squeal of delight as he threw a triumphant fist in the air. "When would you want me to do it?"

Butters sighed heavily; it didn't really matter. The fact he could get this to happen was amazing.

"Uh, whenever you're not busy," was the answer he gave. He heard a quiet laugh on the other end and he breathed a sigh of relief.

"How about as soon as I hang up with you? I can't go through the rest of the shift knowing my best worker is wasting precious hours." Butters blushed a little, mostly at the fact that Kenny's manager outright admitted what he knew all along.

"O-okay, if that's convenient for you," Butters managed to mumble.

"Trust me, it's fine. Do you want me to call his cell or your landline?" Butters made a face; he wasn't sure which phone Kenny had said was his primary. He personally always put down his cell phone, because that was the number his own boss could reach him the best at.

"Uh, cell, if that's okay."

"Works for me, but before I do this lemme ask you something," Kenny's manager, David, said. Butters blushed darker and waited for him to question him, "have you two gotten engaged yet? I'm just curious."

He dropped his jaw and found it difficult to remember how to speak. In fact, for a brief moment he thought his heart stopped. He wasn't aware that Kenny's coworkers knew Kenny was interested in men, let alone dating_ him_. He had even gone to visit Kenny at work and no one seemed to think anything different of that.

Except the eyebrow wiggles and the stare downs whenever made a lot more sense.

"Uhh... n-no, we're not..." he stammered, unsure of what else to say. You couldn't just ask him something like that; he'd turn into a stammering mess.

"Huh, okay, just wondering. Haven't you been dating for like three years?"

"Um, well four now..." Butters couldn't help but explain. And now that he thought about it that seemed like a really long time. It had gone by too fast.

"Shit, I married my wife after six months. I wouldn't have pegged him as a patient kind of guy." Butters couldn't help but laugh at that; Kenny was the opposite of patient. Everyone knew that. "Well I should probably get to calling him, especially 'cause it's your special day, huh?" Butters just blushed even more, which he didn't think was possible. "I wish you the best of luck."

"T-thanks, you too," David laughed and Butters heard the beep on his phone, signaling the call ended. He set his phone down and waited until he heard Kenny's phone ringtone, which was "Tubthumping" by Chumbawamba, blare from in the bedroom. He waited a couple of seconds before he heard the quiet creak of their bed to go in their bedroom.

"Hullo?" He heard Kenny's voice, heavy with sleep, croak as he tried his best to sound awake. Butters couldn't help but laugh at that; his voice was so different when he first woke up. It was a lot like when he was sick, but when he was sick it made Butters want to burrito-wrap him in blankets and hold him until he felt better.

He heard David speak indistinctly on the other line and he saw Kenny's face grow pale.

"...what? I wasn't scheduled to work today, I've had weekends off the whole month." A brief pause, then, "yes, I double-checked the schedule. You had me write it, remember?"

Butters suddenly felt awful as Kenny's hand shook and he scrambled out of bed and searched with bleary eyes for the black slacks and shirt that made up his uniform.

"David, just... just give me ten minutes. I swear I'll be there, I must have overlooked it just... I _need_ this job, you can't fire me, please?" Kenny begged as he bent his head to prop the phone on his shoulder as he attempted to wriggle in his work pants in a matter of a second.

Whoa. That hadn't been part of what Butters had said. He didn't want to give Kenny a panic attack; he just wanted David to call and say he was late for work. Now he was really gonna get it.

"Say that again?" Kenny blurted, leaving his belt unbuckled as he put his hand back on the phone. His eyes slowly set on Butters, who took a step back. "Oh, _really_?" Butters looked down at the floor and nibbled at his fingertips. His nails were already gone from his anxiety over his midterms. There was nothing left to bite at but the skin around his nails. "I know, I know... yeah I remember, she egged your car and you made Josh clean it." Kenny laughed a little before he nodded and looked back at Butters, who appeared both ready to run and to cry. But Kenny walked over and gently pulled his hands away from his mouth and held his bleeding right hand gently. "I don't think he- yeah... I guess you're right." Another break, and Butters couldn't understand what David said. "All right, all right that's just nasty, and no, I'm not telling you. I'll see you Monday." Kenny promptly hit the "end" button on his phone, then tossed it on the bed as he turned to Butters.

"Listen, before you-" Butters ended up moaning happily as Kenny captured his lips in a kiss.

"First off, that was terrifying," Kenny murmured, before he pressed another kiss to his lips, "second, that was pure genius," his hand ran up his back, causing Butters to shiver and forget about the pain in his thumb from chewing on the skin too much. "Third, I almost _cried_."

"I didn't know he was gonna to tell you you were _fired_, I told him to say you were scheduled today and late for work." Kenny just smiled and caressed his cheek before he leaned down and kissed Butters' nose. "I'm sorry, I didn't want-" Kenny shook his head and hugged Butters tightly. "You're really not mad?'

"No, I deserved it... today at least." Butters smiled smugly, and Kenny sighed heavily. "It was probably your best yet." The bright blonde raised an eyebrow as he looked up at Kenny.

"So you _want_ me to be more evil?"

"The eviller you are, the cuter you are. So... yeah, go ahead, be completely sinister." Butters pouted and pressed his forehead against Kenny's chest. He felt the dark blond run his hands through his hair and keep him in his warm embrace. "No, I'll try to wake up better, I promise. I'm just so tired all the time, but I'll try."

Butters smiled sadly, although Kenny couldn't see it. He really did understand why he slept so much. But he also knew that although Kenny would try, he wouldn't necessarily succeed. It was the thought that counted, he figured.

"Kay," was all he said, "I'm sorry for scaring you." Kenny laughed and shook his head as he put his arms at the back of Butters' legs and lifted him effortlessly. As per usual when he did this, Butters wrapped his legs around Kenny's waist and rested his head on his shoulder as he carried him out to the living room.

"You're like my own human koala bear," Kenny mumbled as he chuckled, before leaning back on the couch. Butters curled up in his lap and tangled their legs together. "So, what d'you wanna do today?"

Butters shrugged. Honestly, he just wanted time with Kenny. He didn't think that was too much to ask. He didn't really care what they did. They could even watch crappy movies all night and make commentary about it; that was something Kenny loved to do.

"We can just stay home," Butters replied softly as he fisted Kenny's shirt. The blonde shook his head and brushed Butters' bangs back from his forehead.

"Nuh-uh, how about... weren't you telling me awhile ago that you've never gone to Pike's Peak?"

"W-well... no, but..."

"We should do that! I mean, not take that boring ass fucking tour. Like, drive up it. Or we could go hiking for a bit, we haven't done that in awhile. Did you know they found a couple frozen there, almost to the top of-"

"Kenny!" Butters cried in horror, "that's awful!"

"Well, they marked it with a cross. I thought it was kinda cool." Butters scoffed but smiled softly as he sat up. "So, d'you wanna? Go hiking or whatever, I mean. Or if you wanted we could take the boring ass fucking tour."

"Is there ass-fucking on that tour? 'Cause then it wouldn't be so boring." Kenny snickered and his nose crinkled slightly as he laughed. The darker blonde shook his head and took Butters' hand in his.

"No, but I'm sure we could change that." Butters let out an astonished laugh and held on to Kenny as he sat up.

"C'mon, maybe we can stop by Yanni's on the way there." Butters eyes lit up and he scrambled off the couch. He knew Kenny wasn't the biggest fan of Greek food, but he loved it, and Yanni's was his favorite restaurant.

"Can we?! I haven't been there in forever, darn it why did you say that?" Kenny just smiled and took his hand as they walked to their room to get dressed for their date.

"Because I love you... and you love Yanni's so..." Butters smiled gently and squeezed Kenny's hand.

"Well, I love you more than Yanni's."

"And you love Yanni's _a lot_." Butters nodded and hummed contentedly as Kenny pinned him against the wall.

"You know... we could have that boring ass-fucking tour here..." Kenny raised an eyebrow, "fine, it's not boring. I'm _trying_ to seduce you." Butters quipped, Kenny rolled his eyes and kissed his neck softly.

"Like you have to fucking try..."

"I'm still getting Yanni's though." Butters chirruped, causing Kenny to laugh.

"Mhmm."

"And... if you can, you can show me the place where those dead people were found."

"...mood killer." Butters pulled his head back and Kenny grinned at him.

"Like you're never in the mood..." the bright blonde scoffed his reply. Kenny just smiled smugly and tapped the back of Butters' knee. Upon instinct, his legs once again wrapped tightly around Kenny's waist.

"Hey, Lee?" Butters nodded and grunted softly as they landed on the bed. "Happy four years."

"The best of my life," Butters replied with a glowing smile at Kenny, who nodded.

"And many more."


	6. The Maternal Alarm Clock

Author's Note: Thank you for taking the time to read this silly story. You're all fantastic. . I hope you enjoy this though :).

* * *

Butters woke up with a splitting headache and his body sore from their adventure the day before. It had been too long since they went hiking; it was usually a summer activity they did and lately they haven't had the time, and his body was sincerely regretting the decision yesterday. And the other physical activity they partook in last night after they got home didn't help either.

Butters' bleary eyes focused on the the blue satin ribbon still tied to his right wrist and grumbled lowly as he pulled it off and set it on the nightstand. He glanced to Kenny, whose bare chest was covered in neon body paint, and was completely dead to the world. He would have laughed if his head didn't feel as if it were about to burst; he didn't drink enough to cope with hangovers.

His eyes settled on the clock on his bedside table and he gawked in horror. The clock read 2:38 p.m.; he never slept that late. Suddenly he felt disgusting, as if he had wasted the whole day away. But that was replaced with a painful throb in his head that sincerely made him consider laying back down on Kenny and trying to block out the bright light pouring in through their window.

But his stomach churned with nausea and he knew if he were to puke, and he usually did with his hangovers, laying down would be the worst thing for him. He pulled the blankets off of him and slowly stepped out of the warmth of their bed. He bent down, slipped on his underwear and shirt from last night, and stumbled out of the room as he clutched his head.

He needed coffee. And tons of it.

Once he started the coffee maker, he sat at the table and rested his head against the wood. It felt cool on his skin and he contemplated hitting his head hard enough to pass out; of course if Kenny woke up to that he would have a panic attack so he thought better of that idea and instead massaged his temples.

Butters decided he either need to start exercising and drinking more, or just never participate in any physical activity and drinking ever again. Neither would happen, and next time he'd seriously hate himself for that decision; but as Kenny said that was something for Future Butters to worry about, and that guy is stupid.

"Ursa..." Butters called softly. Their little puppy, who wasn't so little anymore although they had only had him for a month, perked up and ran on clumsy legs to him. Butters picked him up and laid on the couch with him; he was covered in puppy kisses and closed his eyes as he relaxed.

Eventually their coffee maker beeped and he hesitantly got up. After three cups of coffee and eating toast, he decided to contemplate on how to wake Kenny up. He didn't see how waking him up in a cruel manner was necessarily fair today, but at the same time he didn't want to suffer alone.

Except half of the time he was contemplating this idea, he was contemplating while puking up his guts.

His head was screaming and his eyes stung and his body trembled. All he wanted was his mom, and that was really dumb because she didn't accept his "alternative lifestyle" and hadn't talked to him for about three months.

But... his eyes brightened slightly and he picked his head up off the toilet bowl. With his head still pounding violently he stood up on shaky legs, flushed the toilet, and staggered out of the bathroom. He then went to their bed, helped Ursa onto said bed, pulled the blankets over himself and reached for his phone.

If he was feeling this bad and he wanted his mom, then he knew as soon as Kenny woke up he'd feel just as bad and want to talk to _his_ mom. Or, that's what he convinced himself as he dialed the McCormick's phone number.

"Hello?" he heard Carol ask with her southern accent. Butters smiled instantly, he suddenly missed seeing her, and glanced to Kenny.

"Hi Mrs. McCormick, it's Butters." He heard her laugh quietly on the other end and he couldn't help but smile even more.

"Hey sweetie," she said in that calming voice all of the McCormicks seemed to have, "how're you?"

"Could be better, could be worse," he replied, she chuckled and he reached over to Kenny as he brushed back his golden hair. "How're you?"

"Same old, same old, so how was your night last night?" he heard her teasing voice and blushed a little. Of course she knew it was their anniversary, she had been over the moon and had the mindset to buy them a gift; yet Kenny talked her down from that idea because he knew she needed all the money she could get. It's why he sometimes dropped off checks under the name Mysterion.

"Good, we went to Pike's Peak, I hadn't ever gone before and we went hiking which was real nice. But that's kinda what I'm callin' about..." Butters trailed off.

"Did one o' you two pop the question?" The bright blonde's eyes bugged and he felt his cheeks heat even more.

"N-no, we're not engaged..." what? Was four years too long to be together? He didn't understand why it was so important.

"Oh, kay, well.. then what happened last night?"

"It's not... last night. It's this morning."

"Butters, we've been through this before. Ya gotta drink water when you drink. And bread is the best thing for ya," Carol explained softly, although he could hear a slight smile in her voice.

"No, no, I know... I just can't wake Kenny up and I really wanted to spend some time with him today," he knew he was laying it on a little thick. But it was just the gentle push to get Carol McCormick to scold her son. She was generally very loving, except she hated hear her children were lazy. He had heard the same lecture many times when Kenny would sleep late, or didn't do his homework, and he had actually been grounded when he considered dropping out of high school.

"Butters, can you give Kenny the phone?" She asked quietly; he knew she was about to send a loaded gun over to Kenny, who would be tired enough to pull the trigger.

"Y-yeah, just a second." He leaned over and put the phone to Kenny's ear.

"H-hullo?" Kenny asked groggily.

What occurred next briefly reminded Butters of Ron Weasley receiving a howler from his mother in "The Chamber of Secrets". Kenny jumped violently upon hearing his mother's stern bark and stammered quiet mumbles of protest against her.

"W-what? Mom... I-I'm up, I'm up..." Kenny whined, and Butters could briefly hear Carol McCormick say, "bullshit" before she began a long lecture. "Okay, okay, I know... shit, 'm gonna be sick," Kenny gasped as he hurried out of bed. "Kay, sorry. Love you too." He tossed Butters phone at him and put both hands on his temples as he ran on shaky legs to the door. His hand fumbled to open it, and he ended up running into the door.

Butters laughed, which shot bright bursts of pain into his head, and he whined before he rested facedown on the pillow.  
When he heard Kenny start to retch, he slowly got out of the bed and walked to the bathroom. He rubbed Kenny's back and brushed the tendrils of hair from his forehead.

They remained like that, Kenny vomiting and Butters fighting of his nausea, for twenty minutes. Butters was much worse at holding his liquor, but Kenny's best friend was the porcelain god the next day.

"That was..." Kenny moaned, then paused as he heaved and spit out bile, "cruel." His eyes were bloodshot and watery as he leaned back on his knees and rested his head against Butters.

"What?" Butters asked softly. Kenny looked up at him as he breathed heavily before he gripped the toilet bowl and gagged once more.

"You..." he trailed off, taking a slow breath through his nose, "you called my m-mom... to wake me up. That's... cruel." Butters smiled softly and ran his hands through Kenny's hair.

"To be fair I called her because I wanted my mom because I was in your boat and figured once you were awake you'd want your mom." Kenny's eyes softened and he shakily reached for the sink. Butters took his hand and helped him up.

"You wanted your mom?" Kenny murmured quietly. He knew that was still a touchy subject. Butters shrugged and Kenny held up his finger before he brushed his teeth with a shaky hand. Butters did the same, and they both laughed as they "paused" their discussion, as brief as it would be. Because honestly Butters wouldn't mind going back to bed himself.

"Okay, play," Butters said as he dried his mouth. Kenny nodded and leaned his head on the cool wall. "When I get sick I always want my mom. It's dumb."

"It's not dumb, hon. I'm sorry, I think it's fucking dumb she hasn't accepted you... or us. I get that's all a difficult topic but still. You want your mom and so you called my mom, which even though it was to wake me... d'you know what that means to me?" Butters smiled weakly and hummed as Kenny wrapped his arms around him. "It means the world. And please don't ever let me drink again?" Butters couldn't help but laugh at that, and rested against him as they walked back to their room. As the door opened their bed looked so inviting, he curled in the blankets right away and Kenny joined him after pulling the second curtains over the window so less light would shine.

"You not drinking? That's a funny joke..." Kenny smiled softly and lazily wrapped his arms around Butters, who nestled against his chest and listened to his heart beat. "Kenny, I feel like death."

"No, you feel pretty warm to me," Butters furrowed his eyebrows and he just knew Kenny was smiling smugly at his comment. "So, are you gonna wake me in a mean way again if I happen to fall asleep?" he asked, Butters shook his head and closed his eyes as he focused on the beating of Kenny's heart rather than the pounding in his head. "I want you to know that I get it. I get why you want your mom when you're sick, and I'm sorry she hasn't been there for you. But... I hope that someday I can be a good substitute. Or my mom even. Because all I want is for you to be happy and healthy, and you're already a part of my family. My dad even likes you... and that's like... fucked up. But I love you, and I hope you feel better when you wake up." Kenny whispered in his ear with his tired voice. Butters felt tears sting his eyes and he pressed a kiss to Kenny's jaw, which was one of his sweet spots.

"Thank you, Kenny," Butters whispered his reply, "and you're not a substitute... because I want my mom... but I need you. I love you too, so much. So much that... I think we should get up." Butters opened his eyes to see Kenny fake crying as he shook his head.

"No. That is_ meaner_ than waking me up mean." Butters kissed his nose, "Lee, you cannot do that to me. Please let me sleep?" Butters shook his head and Kenny whimpered as Butters pulled him into a sitting position.

"Nope, rise and shine, lover." Kenny shook his head as Butters dragged him out of bed.

"I hate you." The bright blonde turned around and raised an eyebrow as he led Kenny into the living room.

"Nuh-uh, you loooove me," Butters chirped quietly.

"Yeah, and that's what sucks right now," Kenny grumbled as he clutched his head. Butters laughed quietly and looked up at his taller boyfriend.

"No, I suck," Butters replied with a wink. Kenny laughed lewdly, then he let out a quiet yelp as Butters squeezed his bottom, and shook his head before he sluggishly followed him into the kitchen.


	7. Burnout

_Author's Note: This one goes along with the idea of "Fired Up". Kind of. This is the... "alternate" version. Also, I don't recommend doing this. In fact, I don't recommend trying to wake anyone in any of these manners._

_Also, I only post this at this time (about 2:00 in the morning) because I had to wake my roommate for work like ten minutes ago. That being said, I'll probably be the one in Kenny's boat tomorrow. So, there will be three updates this weekend as well. And if I am, in fact, in Kenny's boat then perhaps Butters will be as well. Who knows, right? :)_

_Happy reading!_

* * *

The sun had set beneath the horizon and Butters sighed heavily as he stood on their balcony, overlooking their apartment complex. There wasn't much to look at except the sky, and even then the lights from Denver blocked out the stars. That's something he missed about South Park; the openness, the calm and quiet. He used to hate it but sometimes he really missed that quiet town.

It was going on 6:30 in the evening and he hadn't had the heart to wake Kenny. He was fairly sure his boyfriend was now a complete insomniac; he remembered waking up every hour or so to find Kenny just looking at the ceiling, or him, or the wall. When Butters woke up at 11:00, which was late for him, he was half asleep, and he kept quiet so he could stay asleep.

Only now, seven hours later, he deemed it enough sleep for Kenny and opened the sliding glass door.

He turned on one of the burners on the stove and placed a pan on top of it. He poured in six cups of water, to boil pasta, and would check on it in five minutes, after he woke Kenny.

As he entered their cool room, he scrolled through his cell phone apps, opened up a ringtone finder, and found an alarm. Before he pressed the "play" button, he looked to Kenny, and grimaced. He didn't look as peaceful as he usually did, and the blankets were torn and thrown about. Sometimes Kenny had nightmares; he didn't usually talk about them but it took a lot to frighten Kenny. The look in his eyes after one of his night terrors always caused Butters' heart to ache.

Butters knew as soon as he acted Kenny would be up and running. He was insanely good at doing that. And it didn't help he was a light sleeper; the slightest noise would wake him. But Butters was always quiet when waking up, and always made sure not to bother Kenny; maybe he should stop that. Except, waking him creatively seemed way more fun, so he'd continue.

"Kenny!" Butters cried, feigning the best worried voice. The dark blonde seemed to seize as he flew into a sitting position within a fraction of a second, and looked at Butters with wide bleary eyes. "Fire!"

"Did you try putting it out?!" Kenny cried with a gravelly voice. Butters froze on the spot.

"Uh... yeah. It didn't work," he blurted, and cringed as he saw Kenny yank the door open.

"Go tell management, I'll try to put it out and then I'll call 911 if I can't." Butters bit his lip and lowered his eyes as he walked out of the room. He deserved all of the yelling he would receive as soon as Kenny saw there really wasn't a fire. "No wonder, dude! You didn't turn off the burner... shit!" Kenny cried.

Butters lifted his face and gasped as there was, in fact, a small fire roaring on the stove. Butters gawked in utmost horror and froze on the spot. He actually started a fire. Suddenly the fear of Kenny's wrath left him as fear for their safety crashed in his heart and mind.

The fire seemed to grow as Kenny poured water on it. A loud sizzling was heard and black smoke began to leave residue on the wall behind it, as well as the fridge and metal stove. The fire crackled and Kenny threw more water on it.

Butters watched as Kenny continued this four more times before he filled a gallon pitcher and dumped all of the water on top of the stove. Water slashed all over him, the stove, and floor. With a loud sizzle the fire turned to smoke and seemed to instantly stop.

Kenny pulled off his shirt quickly, he would itch for hours if he wore clothes that were wet and stuck to his skin, and carefully stepped over the puddle of water. He sighed in relief and shook his head as he walked up to Butters.

"Thanks for waking me, any longer and I probably wouldn't have been able to stop that." Butters grimaced and looked down at the floor. "No, you saved us, it was-"

"Therewasn'treallyafire," Butters blurted quickly. Kenny tilted his head, silently asking him to repeat the statement. "I... when I went to wake you... there was no fire..." he trailed off uneasily. He bit his lip as he watched Kenny's realization. "I didn't know that the burner started on fire, and I'm sorry. I just... it was really stupid of me."

"Oh," was all Kenny said before he grabbed a towel and dried off the stove. He then slid around on the floor with the towel under his feet to dry it the best he could. "So you were just trying to wake me?" Butters nodded, "then how come there really _was_ a fire?"

"I dunno," was all he could say. He hadn't even set it on "high"; he never did. There simply must have been friction, or something fell onto the burner. What was said and done couldn't be taken back now, and thankfully Kenny didn't seem very upset about it.

Which weirded Butters out to no end.

He was glad they were safe and nothing had been damaged. He started to cook after he cleaned off the black smoke from the wall and fridge, and Kenny took a shower. They ate dinner together a half an hour later and then Kenny hurried to finish his homework for his online classes.

Literally nothing was said about the fire for the rest of the night. It seemed as if it never happened, it had been an accident after all, but his lung still burned and his eyes were bloodshot from the haze of smoke still in the room.

At about 2:30 in the morning they lay naked and spent as sleepiness began to tug at the mind. Lazily, and when Butters was half asleep, Kenny turned his head to look at the bright blonde and kissed his forehead.

"Hon?" He asked quietly. Butters, with heavily lidded eyes, looked up at his boyfriend, who looked just as tired as him. "I just wanted to say I'm not upset about earlier."

"Kay..." Butters trailed off. Kenny scooted down on the bed and rested his head on Butters' chest. It wasn't often Kenny did that, but Butters loved it when he did. His fingers combed through his hair, although it seemed like such a chore in his current state. "I'm sorry though. And I love you."

"I love you too..." was the reply he received, "but I just wanted to let you know that... you won't know when and you won't know how... but someday, someday, I'll get back at you for that. After all, I'm the first one up on week days, aren't I?"

Butters gulped and slowly looked at Kenny, whose eyes were closed and his breathing was slow. He waited for further explanation but was met with a quiet snuffle, indicating Kenny was starting to come down with a cold.

His threat shot fear right through his bones, to his heart.

This time he was the one who suffered from insomnia the entire night.


	8. A Snowball's Chance

_Author's Note: For anyone who doesn't think this can happen in September... the midwest has crazy weather. One day last year I remember it was a 72 degree day in May and the next day schools were delayed and closed because of ice and snow. This can, and usually will, happen. Also, tomorrow is going to be a tad different based on my revenge wake-up today. _

_...I really must warn you: No matter if you're living with a roommate, a significant other, older/younger siblings, or even parents do **not** try this at home on a regular basis. Your victim can, and will, at any point in time seek revenge. And usually it's brutal. _

_Specifically speaking, I'm pretty sure mine shared brainwaves with Montana-Bob._

_Happy reading :). I'm now off to find some ibuprofen and glare. _

* * *

He knew people were giving him odd looks as they passed by but he didn't really care. He figured he did look rather odd, but to him it didn't matter. They could think whatever they wanted; all of the people in their apartment were odd, anyway. Some were completely messed up but he never said a bad word about them; Kenny just made sure to walk with him whenever he had to go on the third floor.

But he supposed putting snowballs in a laundry basket was kind of weird. Not to him, yet no one took the time to ask why. If they did, then they would deem him in the right and probably congratulate him on his clever thinking.

It had taken him a long time to figure out how he wanted to wake Kenny today. He wasn't really in the mood because it had started to snow, but it always snowed in September, and he hated it. Summer was gone much too soon and they would live in bitter temperatures for about ten months. They seriously needed to move somewhere warmer.

But as he watched the snow fall, and thought about how much he despised the snow, he realized Kenny hated it even more than him. Mostly because snow meant colds and Kenny went from allergies to colds faster than Butters could snap his fingers. It was unfortunately adorable, and Butters kept him on medicine for it mostly for his benefit of seeing him loopy and snuggly.

So now here he was, making snowball after snowball, and putting them in the laundry basket. It was about a quarter full, and the one he was currently making would be his last. Their neighbors from across the hall gave him a look as he righted himself and lifted the basket. He glanced down, smiled at his handiwork, and tucked the laundry basket against his side as he walked to their apartment complex.

Butters had to move fast. He didn't want the snowballs to start melting, and that would be a bitch to clean up. He figured the elevator would be too slow and he didn't exactly trust them as he once was locked in it for an hour and forty seven minutes with a box of Cheerios and a dirty diaper. Kenny had ended up prying the doors open and used Butters' "emergency comfort kit", which consisted of blankets, hot cocoa, and Hello Kitty, for three hours.

He shivered at that thought and turned to the stairs. He hurried up the first flight and too a right, down the hall. Butters pulled out his key from his pocket, fumbled with the set, and quietly unlocked the door. As soon as he opened the door he was greeted with a surge of warmth that smelled and felt like home, and he instantly relaxed.

Except he had a job to do.

Breathing a sigh, he opened the door to their room and set the laundry basket down on the floor. Butters couldn't help but grin as he saw Kenny had kicked off the blankets sometime in his sleep, and wore nothing but his boxers. Kenny despised clothes, and half the time he never even wore boxers to bed. He must have been too tired from when he got home from work to take them off. Butters had passed out long before his shift was done and didn't even remember him coming home.

The fact he was just about naked made his wake up even better. To Butters, at least.

He picked up one of the neatly compacted snowballs and pulled his arm back. After the initial attack he would have to throw as many as he could before Kenny either lunged at him or ran out of the room screaming. Butter wasn't quite sure which was more likely to happen; it was about a 50/50.

As he remained poised with his arm curled back, he focused his eyes on his obvious target; Kenny's bottom. Biting his lip, Butters chucked the snowball and choked on his laugh as Kenny's legs kicked and he jolted up in surprise.

"What the fuck...?" Kenny asked, then cried out as Butters threw two more snowballs at him. One hit his side, the other narrowly avoided the side of his face and smashed on the wall. "You mother fucker!" Kenny cried, laughing in astonishment as Butters tossed one and hit his chest now.

"Good morning!" Butters chirruped brightly and held a snowball in front of him as Kenny now walked slowly toward him with a half glare, half mirthful expression. Either way it looked devious and Butters knew he was in a ton of trouble. "I only do it because I _love you_!"

Kenny gasped and shouted as Butters smashed the snowball in his face. He wiped the snow from his eyes and cheeks, and glared with ice-blue eyes at Butters, who took a step back and was prepared to reach for another snowball.

"Oh, you're in deep shit now," Kenny growled a warning, remaining stock still as his eyes looked Butters up and down, and not in a way Butters would have minded; now he felt like prey.

He yelped as, in the flash of an eye, Kenny filled his arms with snow balls and started throwing them at him. Butters scrambled out of their room and couldn't help but laugh as he cried out in surprise as he felt the impact of the ice and snow on his back, his bottom, the back of his head, and his legs.

"Nooo!" Butters shrieked as he felt Kenny tackle him to the ground. They pushed and shoved against each other as they wrestled on the living room floor.

The bright blonde whined as Kenny pinned him to the ground with his arms twisted in an awkward way as he used his lower half to hold down his legs.

"You should know not to pick a fight with a middle child," Kenny said, before pecking his nose with a quick kiss.

"I won that one time..." Butters trailed off miserably. "I'm just glad you're up."

At that, Kenny collapsed on top of him, rested his head on his chest, and snored loudly. Butters grunted as the darker blonde put his entire weight on him, which wasn't much, but considering it was deadweight and Butters was pinned to the floor it was highly uncomfortable.

"Keeeeen..." Butters pleaded, trying to push his shoulders up, "c'mon, I can't breathe..." Kenny lifted his torso from Butters and leaned his weight instead on his hands, as he looked down at his boyfriend with a tired grin.

"You were the one who initiated an illegal snowball fight," Kenny said, "and it's not my fault you make a really comfy pillow. I should lay on you more often," Butters blushed and shivered as Kenny ran his fingers through his hair. It felt like locks of silk in his fingers.

"I wouldn't mind," Butters mumbled, "and I don't mind bein' the big spoon sometimes either."

"I know, you just fall asleep first and I, being the nice and loving boyfriend I am, _don't_ try to wake you when I'm getting into bed," Butters rolled his eyes and sighed softly.

"There's a difference between three in the morning and six at night." Kenny scoffed and pressed their foreheads together.

"But it's not six. It's four." Butters huffed and lightly smacked Kenny's cheek. "So fine, when I wanna be the little spoon and I wanna lay on you then I'll just turn you over and do it!"

"Fine, but I might punch you..." Kenny pouted and nodded. "Again, I'm sorry."

"I know, that black eye would just not go away though! I got a good laugh outta it, at least." Kenny murmured, then ran his fingers down his sides. Butters' skin prickled and he laughed quietly as the darker blonde kissed from his neck to his throat.

"I still gotta make it up to you for that," Butters mumbled as he traced his thumb over the yellowing skin around his eye. The dark blonde smirked and circled his thumbs over Butters' hip bones.

"Emergency Kenny Comfort Kit?" He breathed, the bright blonde laughed as his boyfriend undid his jeans and slid them down his legs.

"Comfort and sex should not be synonymous," he replied. Kenny just gave him a look and hoisted him in his arms.

"That's why comfort sex was invented, duh," was the response given before his neck was attacked with tiny kisses.

"Why is it that every time I wake you, you end up _back_ in bed?" Butters fumbled to ask against Kenny's ministrations. He felt the twenty one year old smile smugly against his skin and pull at the waistband of his underwear.

"Because you're my comfort kit. And my irresistible charm works its wonders to get your pants off." The bright blonde scoffed but smiled nonetheless.

As Kenny collapsed on the bed with Butters straddling him, he yelped and quickly scrambled to get off of the mattress. Butters still had his legs around him, and he looked down at Kenny, this was the only time he could say he was taller, and tilted his head.

"The fucking snowballs..." Kenny trailed off, "the bed is _soaked_."

Butters just looked at his dejected expression and burst out laughing in his arms.

He had won today after all, he thought with a smile. Except that smile was almost immediately knocked off his face from the sudden force of crashing on the couch with his limbs tangled with Kenny's.


	9. Butters' Chainsaw Massacre

_Author's Note: Doing something a little different today. I'm sure you won't mind though. But this one can definitely go down as "Butters' Guide on How to **Not** Wake Your Permanent Roommate"._

_And this is **exactly** what happens if you sleep later than the one you are using slightly cruel tactics to wake up. They get the worst possible revenge._

_Oh, and this one goes out to Montana-Bob._

Enjoy :).

* * *

The sun was bright as it poured in through the windows. Kenny grunted quietly in his half-asleep state and turned away from the window and burrowed his head in Butters' back. His arm was wrapped around his boyfriend so he could feel the gentle rise and fall of his breaths as he slept, and as he laid there he realized something.

He was awake before Butters.

Both annoyance and mischief buzzed in his brain, although he had a bit of a headache and a bit of a nauseous stomach. Every Sunday he promised he'd never drink again, and every Sunday he was face down, practically sobbing as he puked up his guts. It was a vicious cycle he'd keep repeating.

Kenny's head throbbed as he pulled away from Butters and turned back around. White pain stabbed his head and he winced, eyes still closed, as he faced the damnable light. Slowly his strained eyes open and he read the time.

It was 1:17 in the afternoon.

This was weird for him, because usually he woke up at about 1:05 and Butters wasn't in bed. That being said, he would try his best to go back to sleep and wake up before his kind and loving boyfriend would get the idea to scare him half to death. Usually, he slept way longer than he planned, and a big part of him felt awful for wasting an entire day.

But at the same time... _sleep_.

As Kenny looked at the clock, something clicked in his brain. A slow grin spread across his face and he carefully crawled out of bed to not wake Butters. He bent backward, popping his back and causing what seemed like hundreds of tiny machine guns to sound. As soon as he felt the slightly painful but mostly relieving whatever-bone in his lower back to either slide back into place or adjust from the pressure, he righted himself from a near-Matrix bend and quickly popped his shoulders and arms.

Much better.

He walked to their dresser, opened the third shelf, and grabbed a pair of his boxers. It was kind of weird because they both wore the same size and Kenny wouldn't care about wearing his, but Butters seemed very opposed to the idea. Then again, half the underwear in Butters' collection was women's underwear, which of course Kenny didn't mind in the slightest.

He closed the drawer, wriggled into the dark grey boxers and grudgingly put on a pair of sweatpants and an old baggy t-shirt. Once he was more dressed than usual, he went to the bathroom, brushed his teeth, and tried to calm the mess that was at one point in time considered hair, but now appeared to be the product of lightning and friction.

By the time he had two cups of coffee and a bagel Butters still hadn't woken up. This was quite unsettling to him but at the same time was the perfect opportunity to get his sweet revenge. He didn't want to hurt Butters, necessarily, but just show him what it's like to be on the opposite end of the stick. He smirked and laughed a little at that, and grabbed his keys from the table before he walked out of their apartment.

Their neighbors looked at him strangely as he walked quickly from the lobby and outside in his pajamas and bare feet. He didn't understand why they thought something like that was weird, but shrugged it off and went down the sidewalk to the garages.

They were tiny garages that left barely enough room for a car, and he didn't park his baby in there. He didn't mind scraping his windows in the morning, but he put it in their rent for Butters to have. There was, however, a shelf for storage, and considering he helped Kevin work on cars and various jobs, he had a toolbox, as well as a chainsaw.

He grabbed the saw and exited the garage quietly. If there neighbors stared at him before then they'd really stare at him now.

And they did. In fact, he was pretty sure their next door neighbor Beth went to go report him to the management. They always reported them, though, and their manager got rather bored after awhile. Although he and Butters got a laugh when they filed a noise complaint on the fact that Kenny can make quiet Butters a screamer. It didn't help Kenny had been tied to the headboard that kept banging on the wall.

He figured if their neighbors were homophobic then they would just have to deal with it for a few more months; Kenny almost had saved enough for a down payment on a house; Butters' graduation present.

Jim gave him a disgusted look and Kenny just smiled as he unlocked the door. He quickly shut it behind him and opened the living room closet. He pulled down a small box and beamed when he found exactly what he was looking for; a bloody, grotesque clown mask.

Once the mask was in place, he grabbed the end table from the couch and tip-toed to their room. Silently, he opened their bedroom door and set the table right above Butters' head. A part of him sincerely hoped he wouldn't wake up and jump up in fear, but most likely he would. And he hated to admit it but he would laugh way too much at that. And then he'd be in trouble... but it would be so worth it.

Before he started the saw, he took off the chain and set it on the bed. The last thing he needed was to cut their bed, or cut off one of his limbs. He wasn't sure which was more likely to happen, but he didn't want to take the chance to find out.

Biting his lip, he yanked on the cord and heard it rumble but not start. He sighed heavily, adjusted the choke, and checked to see if Butters had woken up. He hadn't, but took a deep breath that sounded like something of a snore; Butters would never believe him if Kenny admitted he snored. And then he'd be embarrassed, so he just decided to never tell him.

Kenny pulled the rope once more and the chainsaw roared to life. He was leaned in close to Butters, who jumped like a frightened cat. Butters wide eyes stared in pure horror at Kenny and he screamed before shooting up to run away. Instantly, instead of mirth, Kenny was filled with remorse and worry as he heard Butters heart-wrenching, blood-curdling scream.

He had never seen someone move so fast and by the time he turned off the saw it was too late. Butters was leaning back on the bed, trembling and clutching his head as his shoulders shook.

Kenny ripped off the mask, threw it, and set down the saw before he pulled the end table off the bed and ran it out into the living room. He returned to find Butters still holding his head, and tears had fallen down his cheeks.

"Baby, I'm sorry. I'm so so so so so sorry," Kenny murmured, kneeling on the bed as he outstretched an arm to Butters. The bright blonde let out a shaky breath as he looked at Kenny and tears were fighting to fall, "C'mere, it's just me, baby." Butters let out shuddered gasp and rested his head on Kenny's shoulder.

Well, it hadn't been funny at all. He figured they could both have a good laugh about it and Butters would vow revenge in the worst way and Kenny would be too nervous to sleep for awhile. But instead they were laying here, Kenny holding a terrorized Butters and calming him down with gentle caresses and soft kisses to the head.

"Why..." Butters began quietly, as he looked up at Kenny with bleary eyes. "Why would you _do_ that?" Kenny shrugged and held him tighter.

"I woke up first... my tired mind went to revenge and I didn't think it through."

"Well, you and I have completely different ideas for scare tactics..." Butters growled as he wiped his eyes from sleep and tears. He had calmed down significantly. "You could have just done the chainsaw. The mask was uncalled for... you know I hate clowns."

"I'm sorry, hon. I should have thought it through better." Butters scoffed and sighed as he looked up at Kenny. "The table was mean too. How is your head?"

"I feel like it's split in two." Butters mumbled, grimacing as Kenny brushed his fingers over his forehead. A bump was starting to appear, and his head was throbbing in pain. "I have never been so scared in my life. I thought I was going to die." Kenny wore a face of pure dejection and he held Butters tighter.

"I would never let you die, dammit, I'm sorry..."

"But... I get why you did it. I mean, you wake up to cruel and unusual methods and you also grew up with a Kevin. So I get it. Just don't do it again, please." Kenny laughed softly and nodded as he pressed a kiss to Butters' temple.

"I promise. I will never, ever, do anything like-"

They were interrupted by a knock on the door. They both looked at each other, and Butters sighed as he slowly slid out of bed. Kenny walked with his arm protectively around his waist and stood behind him as he opened the door.

Their apartment manager, Derek, stood with their neighbors Beth and Jim, and Kenny smiled innocently at Butters. The bright blonde sent his boyfriend a death glare before he turned around and smiled happily at the three.

"Good afternoon, is something wrong?" Butters asked politely. Derek looked at them with a face of amusement, and Beth and Jim looked ready to kill.

"Your neighbors told me there was a chainsaw brought into your apartment and were worried for your safety. Is everything okay in here?" Derek asked, looking between the two. Kenny nodded, and Butters sighed and blushed darkly as he looked at the floor.

"Uh, yeah." Kenny said, Butters nodded and glanced at his taller boyfriend, who looked a little worried.

"No, everything's fine. We're sorry... we... well, we lost the key to our handcuffs and Kenny gets a little carried away." Butters murmured with a soft laugh. The dark blonde gawked at Butters, who maintained an air of fake confidence as he looked at their neighbors.

Beth turned around and walked away immediately. Jim shook his head, muttered a quiet insult that neither of them cared about, and Derek laughed in awe as he shook his head.

"For real?" He asked, raising an eyebrow. Butters shook his head.

"No, he scared the shit outta me with that thing. I'd like to file a complaint on _him_." The brunette just shook his head and smiled at the two.

"You'll have to take that up with him, Butters. Now I'm supposed to give you a warning, but off the record, thanks for making my day. So there is your warning. Now, be safe, you two." He said, waved, and walked down the hall.

Kenny stared in disbelief at Butters, who smiled impishly in response.

"Did you really just do that?!" He cried, shutting the door and locking it. Butters shrugged and nodded before he rested his head on Kenny's chest and pressed him against the door.

"Yep. Maybe I will lose those keys now, huh, mister? Just know that now... you have just made yourself open to a whole new world of hurt. I was being _nice_." Butters growled in his ear, before standing on tip toes and bit the lobe.

"O-oh?" Kenny gasped, face flushed as Butters worked him up; damn him for knowing all the spots to make him come undone. "What are you gonna do n-now?" He shuddered.

"You can't even imagine," Butters bit down on his collar bone. "But I warn you, Kenneth Daniel... you should be scared, because..."

"I can't be scared _now_..." he smiled and rolled his eyes, then moaned as Butters yanked hard on his hair.

"You should always be scared... because... you know what?"

"H-hmm?"

They were a mess of arms and legs as they landed on the living room floor. Kenny actually felt a little nervous as his innocent, adorable boyfriend, looked down at him with mischievous eyes and an almost sadistic smirk.

"_Game. On_."


	10. And the Pincers

_Author's Note: This week has been ridiculous. Here is today's installment a little late. I hope you enjoy! Also, this is NOT a good method of revenge._

_Also I uploaded this on my phone originally, so any mistakes I have now corrected.  
_

_If anyone understands the title and/or the name references (which all of you should and I'd be surprised if you didn't) then you are awesome._

* * *

Butters wasn't quite sure how to one-up Kenny's stunt last week. He had a wonderful goose egg for three days and headaches for four. On the plus side their neighbors hadn't bothered them, even when Butters was pretty sure Kenny broke the sound barrier during their Friday-night celebration.

Except, the more he thought about it, Kenny had played into his biggest fears. He had always been terrified of clowns, ever since he dressed up as one for Halloween and caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror, and he was also afraid of loud noises. Thunderstorms were his mortal enemy, and there were many sleepless nights Kenny endured so Butters would feel safe during them. Kenny had played right into his two biggest fears, which was probably a move taken from the cards of his older brother Kevin, and he didn't appreciate it one bit.

But, Butters could fight fire with fire. Unbeknownst to anyone else Kenny was afraid of several things. He wore this persona around his friends that made them think he had nothing to fear. And because of Kenny's little antics last Sunday he might as well pull one out of the cards of Professor Chaos.

Butters knew Kenny was afraid of mice and rats. The stories he told him were heartbreaking and Butters could imagine why Kenny struggled to sleep now. It wasn't necessarily the rodents Kenny was afraid of, but the diseases they carried with them as well as the fear of being bitten in the middle of the night. The closest he came to being bitten was he woke up to a rat crawling up his arm, to his ear. That being said, Kenny did have a pet rat named Fievel after he saved it, as a baby, from being attacked by one of the stray cats. In fact, Fievel became such a big part of his life that he made the move to Denver with them, and died last year. It still didn't stop him from being afraid, though.

Kenny was also afraid of insects; specifically cockroaches and spiders. For similar reasons as rats, except he had woken up once with a spider in his mouth and cockroaches in his shirt and flying around his room.

However, like Fievel, Kenny had made acquaintances with a spider that hung on the corner of the ceiling in the bathroom. Apparently, it greeted him every morning before most normal human beings were awake.

Kenny had managed to keep his "friend" a secret until Butters woke up one morning for water and heard Kenny say in his tired, innocent-sounding voice, "Good morning, Charlotte."

Butters opened the door in confusion because he didn't know when Kenny's dick transitioned from "Sargeant Shaft" to "Charlotte", and screamed when he saw the little black spider hanging in front of Kenny's face, almost eye to eye, above the toilet.

Eventually after getting used to the fact that neither of them would kill Charlotte, Butters grew used to her presence. And when she eventually died, Kenny actually seemed a little sad.

Butters wasn't sure if he could be mean enough to scare Kenny like that, though. Resorting to childhood trauma was awful... but at the same time, Kenny kind of did. And it's something Professor Chaos would do. And he was Professor Chaos, after all, so deep down he knew he had it in him.

The problem for Butters was he was afraid of those things as well. But, he could suck it up and do it for the good of the cause, because it was worth it to scare the shit out of Kenny. He had even made a special trip to the exotic pet store, found the most disgusting spider he could possibly stand to look at, and had them box it three times as he put it in the trunk. He kept shuddering as he drove home, and carried the box with two fingers on either side, as far away from him as possible.

Just his luck; his neighbors were also coming home. They looked at him as he kept the box away from him, and gave glances to each other. He saw Beth whisper to her husband, who sent him a disapproving glare and quickly shut the door to their apartment.

"Yeah, well, you're old enough to go into a nursing home," he grumbled, then stuck his tongue out in a Kenny-like manner.

Butters set down the box, unlocked their door, and then gently kicked the box inside.

He stared at with wide eyes and suddenly scratched his arms as he felt a crawling sensation over his skin. Butters bit his lip, took a couple of deep encouragement breaths, then furiously opened the first box and yanked out the smaller box. One more to go and he'd be looking at baby Aragog.

"You can do this," he told himself; anxiety clutched his heart and he took a step back. "This is for revenge. Kenny deserves it, and you don't have to go in that room until that damn spider is dead."

They would both probably sleep out in the living room for the next six months, or however long it took them to find the curled up body of Butters' revenge.

With a whine of total discomfort, Butters pulled out the small plastic box and tried his best not to toss it when he saw the large hairy legs climbing at the walls of its confinements. The spider was disgusting and huge, and this suddenly seemed like a terrible idea.

For added measure, he unlocked his phone and pressed "record" on his camera. He carried the camera in his left hand, showed the spider, and closed his eyes before he walked to their room. As soon as he entered the warm room, he saw Kenny sprawled out on his back and faltered. If that spider went near his mouth Butters would feel awful for the rest of his life.

But for two nights he had nightmares of serial killer clowns, so this was justified.

Butters set the camera down on the dresser and walked slowly up to Kenny's sleeping form. His hand was at the lid of the spider's "home" and he held the box over Kenny's chest. He tilted it slightly, pulled off the lid and bit back a scream as he flung the huge spider out of the box.

He didn't even wait for Kenny to wake up before he grabbed his phone, bolted out of the room and slammed the door.

Apparently the sudden ruckus woke Kenny, because after a few seconds from his escape from their now torture-room, he heard Kenny scream. And not his usual shout or exclamation of surprise. No, this was one of the girliest screams Butters had ever heard from anyone. The scream was followed by a loud thud and a crash, then another thud as Kenny probably ran into the wall.

"JESUS FUCKING CHRIST WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?! SHIT! GOD FUCKING DAMMIT, OH SICK, FUCKING SICK, OPEN THE FUCKING DOOR, YOU MOTHER FUCKER!"

Butters was pretty sure he had never heard anyone say that amount of "fucks" in years, other than when he and Kenny decided to be a little rough.

The door sung open; Kenny was ashen-faced and in nothing but his underwear as he slammed the door shut as he scrambled out of the bedroom. He grabbed a trash bag, put it under the door so the spider couldn't get out, and after the quick burst of adrenaline wore off, he collapsed in a sitting position and scratched ceaselessly at his arms.

He looked shaken, a different kind of scared than Butters had looked after last week's antics, and his hands and fingers were constantly clawing at his skin and hair. It was like watching someone strung out on meth or heroin, as well as how Kenny was when he was seventeen, and it nearly brought tears to Butters eyes.

The bright blonde sat down next to Kenny and put both of his hands on top of Kenny's, halting his movements. He could feel him tremble, and the stricken look on his face reminded him of a child.

"Kenny, are you okay?"

"N-no, that thing crawled up my God damn neck. I'm not fucking "okay"." He replied angrily, his voice wavered a bit and sounded thick, as if he were fighting off tears. But his eyes were dry. "And I know... I know I did that to you b-but... why a fucking spider?"

"What about Charlotte?" Butters asked gently, Kenny just glared. Okay, this time he was angry. Shit.

"She was different. She greeted me with her eight eyes every morning as I took a piss and she'd eat the flies. She didn't try to get in my fucking mouth. And she was little... not a... a fucking tarantula."

"It wasn't _actually_ a-"

"Dammit, I don't fucking care what kind of spider it was, Leopold." Kenny snapped, brushing his hands off of him and stood up on shaky legs. His knees popped and he ran a hand through his hair as he began to pace.

"Sure, fine, but it doesn't matter that you did the same thing to me? You know I'm scared of clowns _and_ loud noises. At least I didn't get a cockroach _with_ Aragog." Butters retorted; he didn't mean to sound angry, but he was a little confused and a little annoyed that Kenny was so angry. It wasn't fair that he could be angry but Butters could just cry it out and be done. That's not how Butters worked; he had more of a temper than Kenny and they both knew that.

Kenny huffed and scratched at his shoulders, then sat down on the couch. He stood up a moment later, and reached behind and scratched the middle of his back.

"It does matter, I feel awful, okay? I shouldn't have even done it and I'm sorry. But... God..."

"Did you kill it?" Butters finally asked after a few minutes of tension-filled silence. Kenny scoffed and shook his head.

"Doubt it, that thing like... flew. Dude, I can't go in that room ever again."

"...you know we could call management to get it out." Kenny shook his head.

"Yeah, like they aren't looking for a reason to kick us out already. We'd be better off calling _Cartman_ and paying for his flight."

"No, he's afraid of spiders too. It'd be Wendy." Kenny smiled faintly and looked at Butters with those little kid eyes that he rarely ever saw. Those were the moment Butters walked on eggshells because Kenny was a little vulnerable; and those moments were few and far between. "But... I didn't think about that... I can't go in there and get him, Ken."

"Yeah, and then it's a her and she's pregnant and has hundreds of spider babies that infest our clothes and bed and..." he trailed off with a violent shudder. Butters put an arm around his shoulder, and pulled him closer.

"We can get new clothes. And the couch is a sofa sleeper." Kenny scoffed.

"Yeah, that Karen'll be using over fall break." Butters grimaced.

"We could all share it! Like that one time at my house in our junior year." Kenny laughed hollowly and nodded. That was a night none of them would forget, for many different reasons.

"Or we could just get a new place," Butters laughed loudly at that, and shook his head at Kenny, who kept a faint smile.

"Very funny. I'm sorry, Ken. I... well I didn't know how bad it was..."

"I _told_ you," there was that little kid tone again. "You just don't get over that shit."

"C'mere, I'm sorry, honest. I just thought, well... revenge." Butters mumbled as they hugged. Butters kissed Kenny's forehead, and he could hear his breathing was still uneven. "You're really not going to go in that room ever again?"

"If it was a wolf spider or something, sure. But that's a fucking tarantula or whatever the hell that asshole is. I ain't stepping in there for anything." Kenny mumbled in his shoulder, "and did you really name that fucker?"

"Yeah. Aragog... maybe Ursa would catch him."

"That dog is afraid of frogs, he isn't going anywhere near that monster." Kenny said with a small laugh. "We're just stuck with sleepaway beds and blanket forts until Aragog dies. Fucking tarantula... Charlotte was a cutie, she was my buddy, and he would have _eaten_ her. This is your worst one yet. I'm still shaking, you dick." Kenny grumbled but smiled nonetheless.

And Butters knew it was his worst, or best, one yet because Kenny was jumpy the rest of the night. He finally did fall asleep, on the sofa sleeper, and Butters could tell he was restless and had trouble staying asleep. Maybe he would be nice and not wake him tomorrow... if he managed to sleep later than Butters. He didn't think it would be possible after what he did. Butters felt awful, but a little bit justified as he lay in the uncomfortable bed holding Kenny and brushing his hair back with his fingers.

Based on how things went he was pretty sure they would never step foot in their bedroom again, except for necessary reasons. Eventually they realized they were both awake and considered venturing into their room. Neither of them could gather the courage to do so, however, and held each other in the dark of the night. Butters felt his anxiety kick in because it usually didn't take him this long to fall asleep and he started freaking out that Aragog could have gotten out of their room. After sharing this fear with Kenny he felt Kenny shake and wasn't sure if he was laughing or crying, but he sounded okay when he responded with an even more morbid though. They both decided to take Butters' sleeping pills.

They never spoke of it again, but every night they lay awake a little extra longer wondering where that spider ventured off to...


	11. Something New

_Author's Note: Yeah, after yesterday's chapter I decided to give some fluff because... fluff is always good. So here is the fluff._

* * *

Butters woke up with a pain in his back from the broken spring in the sofa sleeper. He grimaced as he stood, and turned to pop his back to help alleviate the pain. It didn't really work.

The first thing he did was check the door to make sure the trash bag hadn't moved. Aragog was still reigning king in their bedroom and he suddenly felt like charging in there with shoes in each hand, ready to throw at the monster of a spider. But as long as he was in there and not with them he could survive. He then made coffee and ate a pack of yogurt before he got back in bed with Kenny. There was no point in trying to wake him in a cruel manner today; he'd wake up on his own after being annoyed with hearing the television.

The bright blonde scanned the channels and finally decided to watch an episode of "Doctor Who". Karen had gotten him into the show years ago, and he was fairly sure he would never stop watching. Kenny watched it sometimes with him as well, but it wasn't at the top of his list. He preferred "The Walking Dead".

Kenny stirred in his sleep and scooted closer to Butters. He lifted his head and positioned Kenny so he would lay on his chest. Butters smiled as his thin fingers clutched at his shirt and sighed softly in content.

"Kenny?" Butters asked softly as he caressed his back. The dark blonde moaned and shook his head as he burrowed his head deeper into his shirt.

"No. Stay." He smiled and brushed the long locks of hair from Kenny's forehead as he continued to sleep on him. Except Butters knew he was beginning to wake up, which he wouldn't mind at all. He really wasn't looking forward to being mean today. And it had been a little later when Butters decided to finally get up; but last night had been awful for sleeping and his sleeping pills usually worked for six hours or more.

"I'm here," Butters replied and pulled the blanket up higher. Kenny hummed at that, and wrapped his arms around Butters.

There was a spot on Kenny's back that he hated being touched. Butters wasn't sure if it was ticklish, or if it hurt. But sometimes he'd touch it, either when he was awake or asleep, and Kenny would either squirm or move his hand away. This time he applied a little pressure as his thumb pressed into it, and Kenny tensed a little.

"Uh-uh," was all he said, then opened his sleepy blue eyes. Butters could never get over how adorable he looked when he first woke up. He knew he'd always have that tired, innocent expression with those wide blue eyes of his; even when they were old and grey he was sure Kenny would still have that youthful look.

"Does it hurt?" Butters asked, Kenny shook his head and rested in the crook of Butters' shoulder.

"No..." Kenny replied, voice muffled in Butters' shirt. "It's sensitive... now shush, Warm."

Butters smiled a little and laughed as Kenny kissed his throat.

"See, you should wake me like _this_. Warm and comfortable and cuddly... not with a fucking spider or turkey or wake up calls from my mother."

"Your mother likes to talk to you and wishes you'd call her more often." Kenny sighed and bit his chest in response. "Well it's true," he mumbled.

"My mother will be there, she knows I'm busy... so shush, I'm trying to sleep." Butters put his hands on either side of Kenny's face and shook his head back and forth. "Why not?"

"'Cause you're awake."

"Nuh-uh, you're talking to sleep-talking Kenny. Kenny is really asleep because Kenny went to bed three hours ago." Butters sat up suddenly and Kenny groaned in discomfort as his neck was bent awkwardly from his boyfriend's sudden movements. He landed on Butters' lap, however, and wrapped his arms around his knee.

"Why would you do that?"

"I did things." Butters rolled his eyes and sighed heavily. Go figure.

"Did you manage to kill Aragog?"

"Fuck that." Kenny said almost rudely, then grunted as he slowly sat up. His eyes were heavily bagged and he looked half out of it. "I did figure out another uh... solution to our infestation problem, though." Butters tilted his head, "well, I had the solution but I didn't think I'd use it right away."

"Speak English," Butters replied.

"And I'm the one who's had like three hours of sleep. Ugh, how 'bout I just show you?" Butters simply gave him a blank expression and Kenny slowly rolled out of bed. He popped his back and walked to the table, where his keys and wallet were placed. Butters glanced to the keyholder then turned to Kenny, who was examining each of his keys. He took one off of the chain, then handed it to Butters.

"What does this go to?" He asked curiously, then sighed as Kenny pulled on his hoodie and shoes. "We're going out?" Kenny shook his head, ran his hand through his tousled hair, and led Butters out the door. "Okay, why aren't you talking?"

"If I talk, I will end up spoiling it. So hush." Kenny simply replied as he ran down the hall, to the stairs, with Butters' hand in his.

"Okay, fine, are you driving?" Kenny nodded and Butters rolled his eyes, "you're about to pass out, I don't think-"

"I drive like this every day, I function better. C'mon."

They sat in Kenny's old car and he hurried out of the parking lot. Butters stared with wide eyes as he was pushed back against the seat from Kenny's near-reckless driving. He had grown used to it over the years but sometimes, like now, it still surprised him.

Kenny's eyes were drooping as he drove the same route he did to work. Butters turned on the air conditioning; it rattled loudly and Kenny turned the knob from high to low. The rattling ceased slightly and he patted the console of his old car.

Butters' eyebrows furrowed as they pulled into a small driveway. Ahead of him was a small house, kind of like a bungalow. He then turned to the dark blonde and wore a look of total confusion as Kenny turned off the car and pulled out the key from Butters' pocket.

"W-what?"

"I uh... happy way early graduation present?" Kenny asked sheepishly. Butters covered his mouth in total awe and looked to the house once more. He shook his head and Kenny grinned toothily.

"You... you bought a house?!" Butters cried, then flailed his arms emphatically. The dark blonde nodded and got out of the car. Butters, on shaky legs, followed suit.

"Yeah... I finally got enough for the down payment... so... I was gonna tell you after your finals. I didn't want to stress you out with moving. And... Christmas present. But..." Kenny trailed off, "you brought the damn spider and I said I'm never sleeping in there again."

"_Soyouboughtahouse..._" Butters gushed, then ran up the driveway, to the front porch stairs. He dropped the key and raked his fingers through his hair as he looked in awe at the house. Their house. It was small, but much bigger than their apartment. They didn't have nosy neighbors, and they would have all the privacy they needed and _wanted_. No more paper thin walls. "K-Ken, you're serious?" Tears welled in his eyes as he took his hands in his and nodded. Butters choked back a happy sob as he kissed Kenny fervently and held him close.

"I'm serious... I mean... we could move if we needed to later on but I took future plans into consideration and the mortgage is in our price range, especially after we graduate and get better jobs. And there's a good backyard for Ursa... and there's a second room we could use for a... an office or... something..."

"You're thinking about our future?" Butters asked with a growing smile. Kenny raised an eyebrow, cleared his throat, and nodded.

"Course, that's what we're looking at now, right? I promise you're gonna love it... there's a breakfast nook just like at your old house and the backyard is big like my old one. We can grill even in the winter like me and Kevin did with my dad... Karen too sometimes, she was the best with steak... when we could afford it... Oh!" Kenny broke from his reverie and saw Butters looking at him with a gentle expression. "And the closets are made out of cedar so-"

"No spiders!" Kenny beamed and nodded before kissing him again.

"No spiders. No _Aragog_." They both laughed giddily and walked up to the door to their new house. Butters put the key in the lock and turned to Kenny.

"Together?" Butters whispered, then rested his head on Kenny's chest. He felt his lips on his forehead and Kenny nodded before he put his hand on Butters'.

"Together." They both turned the doorknob and pulled open the door. Butters covered his mouth as he stepped into the house. The smell of fresh paint greeted him and he felt Kenny wrap his arms around him as they stepped onto the dark wood floor of the entry way. "Honey, we're home."


	12. Something Old

_Author's Note: Thanks for all of your continued reading, favorites, reviews, and follows. I just really appreciate you all checking out this story, and all of my other ones. It means the world :)._

* * *

A new house meant new rules.

Butters grinned as he sat at the breakfast nook drinking coffee as he stared at the gloomy, cloudy day. This weather would be more common now; and they would have it until June. Three months of warm temperatures and they would once again be under a heavy blanket of snow. He hated snow.

Life had been hectic for awhile. Thankfully their six month lease was coming to an end. By the time Butters' classes were over and Kenny was off work they were managing to pack their belongings at five in the morning. Usually Kenny wouldn't bother to wake him when he got off work, leaving Butters to wake up to find their kitchen had been completely boxed. That hadn't been a good surprise.

He remembered the second to last day when they were packing up their bedroom. Butters was packing the clothes while Kenny took the dressers out to the bare living room. After the last dresser was moved, they both carried out their mattress, box spring, and bed frame.

When they returned, they both screamed and ran out of the room.

Aragog was under their bed. Alive.

All that was left in their bedroom were the nightstands, lamps, and Kenny's alarm clock. They hated that alarm clock, so they figured it would all be a nice present for the next people who moved in. Along with the spider from hell.

They made their lives easier by moving the rooms in before starting to pack another room. By the time they had the bedroom packed everything else had been organized at their house. Kyle and Stan had been shocked when they found out they had moved; they called to hang out the day after they finally settled in, and they couldn't not invite them to their newly christened house. And Kevin had been shocked when he found out his brother managed to move everything without asking for his help; actually, Butters thought Kevin had been a little hurt. But he was making it up to him today.

And now here they were; they were living in the most comfortable home Butters had ever been in. It was small, but much bigger than their apartment. Everything about it felt open and warm; like opening the windows for the first time on a warm spring day. A breath of fresh air; it was their chance to show everyone who ever doubted their relationship that they were serious. And they both knew everyone always had their doubts.

Which is why Butters felt his weekend wake-up schemes made them closer. It also put a test to Kenny's patience and temper; and until his endeavor with the spider he had been scary calm. This was reassuring, but he knew Kenny was the least short-tempered person he knew; other than Kyle and Cartman, he himself was probably the worst. He didn't consider his parents.

When they moved in their neighbors seemed generally accepting, although they probably didn't know that he and Kenny were dating rather than just two friends. Then again, it probably wasn't difficult to tell anymore. Butters was warming up to the idea of being more "out" about their relationship, which made Kenny happy because he was a sucker for "expressing his love" no matter where they were.

Butters heard a knock on the door and set down his coffee cup. He coughed lightly in his sleeve and quietly ran through the kitchen, to the front door. As soon as he opened it he found himself the victim of a headlock and a noogie.

"Hello to you too," Butters grumbled as he pulled away from the giant that was Kevin McCormick. He wasn't by any means fat; he was just incredibly tall and incredibly strong. He seemed to tower over Kenny, who was still creeping to a 6'5". He was fairly sure Kevin was at least five inches taller than Kenny; which made him over a foot taller than Butters. He was terrifying to look at, but deep down under the layers of tough and the hard exterior marred by years of drug abuse, he was a softy. Which is why he was here.

"Looks like you two got the place real nice, oh shit, that's a nice tv, man..." he trailed off, looking at the sound system. The McCormick sons were exceptional with electronics, mechanics, and technology; it seemed to be a trait from their father. Karen was just as good as she usually found ways to make her brothers', and her father's, work more efficient. "Thanks for letting me use your garage for extra storage, I've got my stuff in my truck... I'll only be a few minutes. Where's Kenny?"

Butters smiled at that.

This was the day Kevin became a major character in his life.

"You want me to what?" He asked, after Butters explained his weekend "game." The bright blonde just looked up at him expectantly and he sighed heavily. "Ehh, I got no problems with it, he can help me check out somethin' with my truck, anyways." Butters nodded and smiled smugly as he followed Kevin up the stairs. It was surprising how quiet he walked; it must have been something the children picked up on when they were younger. "This one?" Kevin asked, quieter this time as he approached the first door. Butters nodded and took a deep breath. "Hey! Shithead!" Kevin yelled, banging open the door with force enough to knock it off its hinges.

He heard Kenny-the-lump groan in aggravation at the sound of his brother's barking voice. It must have brought back memories.

"Go away Kev," Kenny moaned, pulling the blankets over his head. Butters bit his lip; he had a feeling Kevin was happy to do this, as he was probably at the opposite end of this situation while growing up.

"Fuck that! It's time to wake up, mother fucker!" He yelled in a booming voice that nearly scared Butters. He let out an astonished laugh as he watched Kevin grab Kenny's ankles with one hand, then hoist him effortlessly.

"HEY!" Kenny cried angrily as he punched at his brother's shins. "Put me down, asshole!" Before Kenny could wrap his arms around Kevin's legs to prevent him from walking, the twenty-one year old was hoisted over his brother's shoulder as if he were four. He was grumbling with every step his brother took, and as Kevin walked out of the room he raised an eyebrow at Butters with a smug grin on his face.

Kenny glared at him from his upside down position, and as he flipped off Butters, the bright blonde couldn't hold it in any longer.

He was laughing so much he nearly fell down the stairs, which darkened Kenny's glare. Butters held onto the railing until his laughter subsided, then followed Kevin outside. He found Kenny was still over his shoulder as he grabbed a tool box from the truck bed.

"You can really put me down, Kevin," Kenny grumbled, then punched the back of his thigh. "If you fart I'll fucking kill you."

"Nah, you couldn't even if you tried." Kevin replied with a devilish smirk, "you need to wake up early, you're missing out on this beautiful-"

"_Freezing_-"

"-morning." Kevin finished, then intentionally nearly slammed Kenny's head with the car door. He heard his younger brother yelp in fear, and held his legs tighter as he struggled to break free.

"I'm gonna puke, c'mon man!" Kenny cried, lifting his torso in a crunch position as he tried to pull his brother's hands off his ankles. "Dammit!" He caught sight of Butters standing on the stairs, and pointed. "I am _very_ mad at you." He sounded pathetic, and it made Butters laugh even more. "Besides, I work two jobs and get home after one in the morning, Kevin. Then I have shit to do and I don't go to bed til 5."

"Tough titties, I'm working three and takin' care of two kids on my own."

Kenny groaned in annoyance and tried to kick his brother. He growled in slight pain as Kevin held him in a tighter grasp.

"You suck," Kenny forfeited, then let himself fall back so he was upside down. He sent his sad eyes to Butters, who quickly looked away and fought off begging Kevin to let him go.

"Nah, bud, I think _you_ do."

Kenny furrowed his eyebrows and swatted at his brother angrily; but Butters saw the smile on his face at that offhand double entendre. He himself bit back a chuckle and leaned on the garage.

The sound of a child laughing caused Kenny and Butters to both look across the street. They caught sight of a couple of kids looking at them and snickering. They fell into hysterics when Kevin decided to suddenly drop Kenny, who fell on his back and grunted in pain.

"Stay on the ground, you're gonna check something out for me," Kevin ordered.

Kenny grumbled under his breath as he looked up at Butters with a grimace.

"You called my brother?"

"Your brother called me, I just thought I could use my resources."

"I can hear the blood rushing out of my head, dickmuncher," Kenny pouted, then stuck out his tongue.

"At least the kids around here thinks we're awesome." The darker blonde scoffed and looked up at his boyfriend with a sly grin.

"_Everyone_ thinks we're awesome," Kenny mumbled in response, then disappeared under Kevin's truck. The brunette clapped Butters on the back and gave him a questioning look.

"Thanks for that," Butters said. Kevin just grinned and shrugged his shoulders before he raked a hand through his hair.

"Ha, like I wouldn't agree to give my kid brother shit?" He scoffed and his hands seemed to want to reach in his pockets for a cigarette but he stopped himself. "Nah, it's no big deal. He's a stubborn fuck, but ya already know that, huh?" Butters laughed and blushed a little before he nodded.

"I can hear you!" Kenny yelled from under the truck, "Kevin, I don't even know what you want me to do!"

"Change my oil," Butters bit back a laugh as he heard the blonde groan in annoyance. "See, that's how you do it. Don't let 'im sleep so much, he just likes to complain. But if ya gotta wake him, just go back to the old stuff; ask me. I gave him so much shit when we were kids, it ain't even funny. You'll sleep when you're dead, Kenny!" He said to his brother, who sounded as if he were laughing from under the truck. Butters didn't see how it was so funny, but smiled nonetheless.

"Well, I know he works a lot so..." he trailed off, "I get it."

"And that's why you're a keeper." Butters tilted his head at Kevin's words and opened to ask him what he meant. But before could, the twenty-four year old clapped a hand on his shoulder, then walked away and opened the hood of his truck.


	13. Something Borrowed

_Author's Note: Well considering it's about 6 in the morning and I'm a little bit delirious, sick, tired, and wide awake I figured I would post this update now rather than way later on in the day because I could be asleep. Who knows? I don't... I'm not sure I can comprehend anything right now, honestly. Also, there has been a roommate agreement to compromise on Issue #3: Over-Sleeping vs. Cruel (Awesome) Wake Up Schemes. I don't know how to feel about this. _

_And if anyone is interested I'm going to be posting some "character biographies" for a few people over on my tumblr... I hope to have that done tomorrow. So if you want to check that out the link is in my profile, or you can just go to rensrenegade . tumblr . com. I've just got some stuff nagging in my head that I need to write out about some people so... yeah! _

_I'm done here. I need sleep. _

_Enjoy! :)_

_...I have a feeling I'll be waking up feeling like this tomorrow. Bleh._

* * *

Butters woke up with another pounding headache. His hazy eyes focused on Kenny's naked body, and he sighed dismally before he pulled himself out of his warm grasp. These were the mornings he hated because he knew within fifteen minutes he'd be in the bathroom throwing up the contents of his stomach.

He heard movement downstairs and he furrowed his eyebrows in curiosity. Then he remembered last night Kyle and Stan had come over and they went out until four in the morning. By the end of the night Stan and Kenny were both crying as they took turns puking, and Butters and Kyle searched for food and ended up cuddling and laughing hysterically on the kitchen floor. He didn't quite remember when they went upstairs but taking into account they were both naked, he could guess what happened.

He _really_ hated when he didn't remember.

Butters groaned quietly as he pulled on Kenny's blue and green flannel pajama pants and an old t-shirt that donned his senior year's One-Act Play title. Holding his left temple, he stumbled out of their room and made his way to the stairs. The railing was suddenly his best friend.

Someone was cooking and it was killing his stomach. It was eggs too, and the smell of eggs when he had a hangover was the absolute worst. He fought back his nausea and swallowed thickly as he walked into the kitchen.

"Fucking bright," he mumbled as the sun gleamed through the window. Kyle raised a coffee cup as he sat at the table, and Stan was resting on his arms as he waited for his eggs to cook. Butters wasn't sure but he thought he was crying. "Are you okay?" He asked Stan, who moaned in pain. "I feel you."

"This one's his fault, he doesn't drink responsibly. Always drink water." His voice sounded condescending even to Butters.

"Fuck you," Stan grumbled woefully before lifting his head. He flipped the eggs and Butters felt his stomach churn with them. He was too lazy to pour a cup of coffee for himself, so he stole Kyle's mug and took a large gulp. The redhead looked at him as if he had murdered in front of him, and quickly took the cup back.

"Is Kenny still asleep?" Butters snorted and massaged his temples as he sat at the table.

"The answer to that question is always yes." Kyle gave a nod and grunted softly as Stan sat on his lap.

"Of course you choose the bad leg," he grumbled. Stan smiled innocently, then poked at the egg yolk. Butters suppressed the urge to puke as he watched the yellow run down the egg and quickly turned his head.

Kyle took the first bite of Stan's breakfast, then let Stan have a sip of his coffee. It was always interesting to see how they worked, Butters thought. A third of the time they acted like best friends, another third they acted as the closest lovers, and the last third they acted like an old married couple who always bickered. He and Kenny were the same, only they rarely argued. Both of them had grown up in that lifestyle and both of them knew what not to do.

"It's still your fault," Kyle murmured as he ran a soothing hand through his fiancee's raven hair. The older of the two just gave him a look before he stuffed the egg in his face.

"After breakfast," Stan began with a thick voice that sounded like Butters did when he was fighting off the urge to throw up, "we're gonna wake Kenny."

Kyle and Butters both brightened.

"What?" He asked, bewildered. "I was on the receiving end of that shit, now it's my turn." Kyle turned to Butters, who shrugged and nodded in agreement.

"What do you propose, oh wise one?" Kyle asked Butters, who shrugged his shoulders.

"I dunno. I'm all out of ideas..." he trailed off. Honestly he had a few more up his sleeve; but he wouldn't do them with Kyle and Stan around.

"We should flip the mattress," Stan suggested, "it has all the elements; fear, humor, pain, laughter..."

So that's where they found themselves. They tip-toed up the stairs and Butters silently opened the occasionally creaky door to their bedroom. Kenny had his head covered with his pillow, and his arms were hidden from view. Most likely he was using them as a pillow.

"Is he naked?" Kyle asked. Butters blushed, then nodded. "Well this is going to be awkward..." he trailed off. "Okay, you know how to do this?" He asked Stan and Butters. Stan nodded with a grim expression as he glared at Kyle.

"Yeah," he deadpanned, then lifted the bottom corner. Kyle grabbed the middle, and Butters took the head corner.

"One, two, three..." they lifted with more strength than they figured each of them had, and watched in amazement as Kenny flew off the bed. A yelp was heard before he landed with a painful thud on his side.

"Ow." Was all they heard from the lump on the ground. The three gawked for a moment as the blonde remained still. Then they set the mattress back down on the box spring and Butters quickly ran to the other side. He ignored Kyle and Stan's hysterical laughter as they high-fived.

"Kenny...?" he trailed off, putting an arm on his back. His skin was smooth and hot to the touch. Honestly, other than the two most obvious favorites, Butters' favorite part of Kenny's body was his back.

In response, he moaned in pain and turned his head. He had heavy bags under his eyes and looked rather pallid; a clammy sweat caused his bangs to cling to his forehead, and he grimaced with hazy eyes.

"I don't _feel_ good," he mumbled wearily, before resting his head on the carpet. Butters looked to Kyle and Stan, whose laughter had ceased, and ran a hand through his drenched hair.

"Hangover?" Butters asked quietly, then began to massage the back of his neck.

"I want to die." He sounded little and Butters sighed heavily before he kissed his head and lifted him slightly. Kenny grimaced but rested his head on Butters' shoulder as he leaned against him.

"How about you get up and have some coffee and toast... and then if you still feel like shit we can have a cuddle day?"

"I like the cuddle days." He was still partially asleep; Butters heard Kyle and Stan snickering in the background and he sighed softly. "Don't ever let me drink again..."

"Okay, but future Kenny's gonna tell future Butters that it's something for distant future Kenny to worry about and that guy's stupid." Kenny just gave him a look and moaned softly before he slumped down on his shoulder again. "But I'll try."

"Kyle? Stan?" Kenny asked softly, lifting his head a little before gave up and just looked at them. "Fuck you guys."

"Love you too," Stan grumbled with a voice heavy with sarcasm.

"I think..." Kenny trailed off uneasily, "I'm naked."

"You are," Butters told him with a growing smile. "I can't tell you what happened last night. I don't remember anything after Kyle and I fell asleep for a bit." Kenny shrugged then managed to put on his discarded boxers while staying under the blanket he was practically cocooned in.

The four ended up downstairs and after Kenny attempted to eat crackers and water but failed miserably, Butters grudgingly allowed him to doze on the couch as he hung out with Kyle and Stan. Eventually, after a few hours of video games and just messing around, the couple decided to go home; leaving Butters with Kenny and his hangover.

He determined that Kenny was probably not only hungover but probably was so stressed he was physically sick. So he decided if Kenny fell asleep that it was probably necessary and wouldn't try to keep him awake.

"Should I stop waking you?" Butters finally asked as they watched the third movie that evening, "A Clockwork Orange" which had been Kenny's choice. Kenny glanced up from Butters' lap and shook his head. He grimaced when seeing his boyfriend eating soup, and immediately laid his head back down and ignored his queasy stomach. Butters ran tender fingers through his hair.

"No, 'cause it's not fair to you," Kenny replied meekly, with his eyes closed as he tried to focus between the movie and Butters.

"Yeah, but it's not fair that you're so stressed."

"I have to be stressed. If I'm not overworked then I don't have any ambition and if I don't have that then I'm a failure." Butters scoffed, "it's true. I'm the worst procrastinator unless I got shit to do."

"That doesn't mean you're a failure, hon," the bright blonde murmured his reply. "It just means you're crazy." Kenny laughed a little and rested his arms on Butters' legs.

"Everyone is crazy," The darker blonde answered back, "but...God help me for saying this, I kinda like the whole scare tactic thing you're trying to do. Maybe one day you'll scare me enough I'll never sleep in again."

"That's the plan," Butters chirped, "Aragog wasn't scary enough?"

"We _never _speak of that fucker."

"...right," Butters trailed off, and couldn't help but smile. Because not only did Kenny give him permission to continue his antics, but he admitted to liking them; which meant Butters could up his tactic. Kenny had to have a breaking point somewhere.

And he was determined to find it.


	14. Something Blue

_Author's Note: I'm going to be busy all day and night tomorrow so I won't have time to update. Aaaand today is Saturday, technically in my time zone at least, so... yeah! _

_And my own permanent roommate has started reading my stories. In fact he's sitting next to me right now. He likes to claim "editor" even though he's the science major who checks my math while I check his essays. So he's in on this... he even gave me the idea for Sunday's chapter (I wonder if he thinks I'll use it on him... :/) well, if so he's sorely mistaken. _

_Anyway, thanks for all of your reviews, favorites, and follows. You guys are great. :) _

_...and if you wanted to try this one at home, I'm sure you could. But only if you have a significant other. :)_

* * *

"Kenny," Butters whined, nudging him on the shoulder, "c'mon, wake up."

Silence filled the room, except Kenny's slight movements in their bed, and he groaned in annoyance. He didn't have time to wait for this, or him, and he had promised he would wake up decent. Because today was extremely important and he worked his ass off and he was finally, finally, done with school.

Today he, Leopold "Butters" Stotch, was graduating college. He finally made it with a 4.0 GPA and extended an invitation to his parents. The invite came back with a "return to sender" stamp; Butters burned it before Kenny could see it. He did, however, invite the McCormicks, and all of them were going; even Kevin. He remembered the three calls he received after they finally got the black and gold envelopes in the mail. Carol had cried and told him how happy she was and Karen drove out just to hug him.

But now he had to deal with Kenny-the-lump who was happily cocooned away from the Colorado cold that somehow found its way into their house.

"Kenneth," Butters grumbled in annoyance, this time shoving him harder, "I don't have time to mess around, you need to get up because we have to leave in a half an hour. I'm _graduating_," he sounded more desperate than angry, and he heard a muffled laugh from the blankets. "Seriously?!"

A loud, fake, snore filled the silence and he glowered at Kenny with menacing eyes.

Butters huffed and walked out of the room.

He put on the black graduation gown and the gold and blue cords over them; he had earned high distinction and barely lucked out of giving a speech. That would have been too terrible for his nerves and already excited emotions. But he was ecstatic to wear the cords and the medal he had received. He looked in the full-body mirror before he went to wake Kenny again and examined himself.

For the first time in his life he looked proud; of himself. He had made it; all of his years of hard work and late night study sessions and coffee-induced twitches that reminded him of his old friend Tweek were finally over.

And he had done it on his own terms. His parents didn't pay a cent for his tuition because he first said he wouldn't go into business administration. Instead, Butters told them he was going to be an education and theatre major, so if he didn't make it in acting then he could always teach it. Then the fact they found him and Kenny making out in the kitchen didn't help either, and they hadn't talked to him since he first went off to college.

What he didn't get in scholarships he worked hard for, and Kenny had even given him some of his paychecks to help when fees for tuition were running low. They balanced each other out, and when Kenny finally applied for graphic design courses he found out he had received one hundred percent free tuition because of his financial situation. That was the best news for either of them, and it was finally that push Kenny needed to make the decision.

He sighed heavily and walked to his nightstand. Quietly, he opened the bottom drawer and grabbed something quickly, then jumped on the bed. Kenny had fallen back asleep and they now had twenty minutes before they needed to leave to make it on time for pictures. Butters really didn't want to arrive after Kenny's family. Kyle and Stan were graduating too, and he knew Kenny would feel bad if he missed out on pictures with them. He would feel bad, too.

"Kenny," Butters called softly, shaking his arm. "Kenny, wake up."

No response. Again.

"Hey... Kenny?" Butters asked, examining the object in his hand before he threw it at Kenny.

"Ow!" He cried, "the hell was that?" Kenny rubbed his face and glared at Butters before he slammed his head face down on the pillow.

"Kenny," Butters began with a growing smile. "Will you marry me?"

Silence filled the room. He knew Kenny wasn't asleep because he saw him stiffen upon hearing the four words. Suddenly the air was thick and Butters regretted it.

"Huh?" The dark blonde asked, raising his head. Butters grabbed the object from where it fell on the bed, then threw it at him again.

"I said, will you marry me, you jerk?"

Kenny's eyes widened as he stared at the ring that had stricken his cheek twice. Butters heard him hitch a breath and sit up quickly as he looked at it with multiple emotions in his expression.

"...oh my God..."

Butters bit back a smile as he saw the realization dawn on Kenny's face. "This is a ring. You got me a ring. You... what?! How did... why... you... _me_?"

"No, sorry, I meant to give this to the _other_ guy I've been seeing for the past four years," Butters retorted sarcastically, "yes, _Kenny_, will you marry me?"

What he expected and what happened were two very different things. Kenny set the ring down on the nightstand, then looked at Butters with ambiguous eyes. Dread ran through his heart; he planned to do it later that night, but he figured it was a shock in itself to wake Kenny. And it seemed kind of fitting. But he didn't actually think Kenny would say "no".

He closed his eyes as he felt them heat with tears; he was already on emotional overdrive because the best day of his life was finally here, and now he just ruined it. And he probably ruined the best and only relationship he had ever had.

Except he heard feet thud on the floor and opened his eyes. He watched as Kenny started dancing, kind of; it was more like he was jumping up and down with a shimmy in his shoulders as he moved his fists and bopped his head. Butters knew this reaction well, and felt tears fall down his face for an entirely different reason.

"K-Kenny?" The dark blonde froze and looked at Butters with a flush on his cheeks, and he took a breath.

Butters cried out as Kenny tackled him on the bed in a frenzy of kisses and laughs, and Butters held him tight.

"YES!" Kenny shouted, then held his cheeks with both hands and kissed him with passion so strong Butters' toes tingled. "Yes, yes, yes, yes, a thousand times yes, no, no a _million_ times yes, I will marry you. Fuck!" Kenny cried as he flailed and kicked his legs, and Butters saw his own eyes were sparkling slightly. Butters held him tight and captured his lips in yet another kiss. "You... you actually proposed to wake me up? That's not a joke?!"

"...yeah. I had a whole thing planned out but you were being a butt."

"It's perfect, and... how did you afford that ring? No, don't tell me. Just tell me how much I'll be working," they both laughed and Kenny smoothed out his graduation gown. "We're _engaged_."

"...oh my God, we're engaged," Butters gushed, then kicked his feet excitedly as he laughed and threw his head back on the pillow. "I thought you were gonna say no, 'cause you-"

"There's only one reason I would ever say no, hon," Kenny murmured, then got off of the bed. He looked a little shaken as he pulled down his dress shirt and black slacks from the closet, and quickly dressed. Butters was left in suspense as he waited for Kenny to speak. He turned around, and Butters gaped.

"No..." he trailed off, as he saw a little blue box in his hand. Kenny bent down on one knee, and looked up at Butters, who was now kneeling at the edge of the bed with a hammering heart.

"And that would be, because I'd have some cliché speech about how much you mean to me and how you're my best friend and I liked you when I was ten and we went on that stupid trip to Hawaii... or I liked you after that, and... a lot of the time when I was with other people I was just trying to get used to the idea that I wouldn't really have you. But then at Cartman's stupid Christmas party you ended up getting drunk for the first time and we were both wasted and I just told you I loved you. And then... we got caught by your parents and went through so much crap together and... here we are, and our future is laid out literally right in front of us... I was gonna ask you when we went to dinner with The Brof-Marshes and my family... maybe not in front of them, but it would've been something like that," Kenny said. Butters sniffled.

"A-and then what?" Kenny blinked a couple of times, then took Butters' hand in his and sighed softly.

"I'd be down on one knee like this... and take your hand in mine, and ask you to be my best half for the rest of my life and take care of me when I'm drunk and I'd help you grade papers. I'd ask if we could end up having babies and raise them in this little house for a while and grow old together and spend the rest of our lives together. I would have asked you to marry me..." Butters sobbed and he saw Kenny's blue eyes were now wet as well.

"O-okay...? And... how would... would you have d-done that?" Kenny laughed and shook his bangs out of his eyes.

"Leopold Stotch, I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I wanna have little McStotchkick babies and have late nights of grading papers and homework and you help me with design ideas. I wanna take care of you when you're sick or you're sad and you take care of me when I'm drunk. I want you, to be my best half, my favorite half... will you marry me? And you would have said...?"

"Yes," Butters gushed, and jumped off of the bed, knocking Kenny down on the floor. By this rate they would be late for pictures but it didn't matter in the slightest right now. They could all get pictures after the ceremony. "Yes, I would have said _yes_... I do say yes."

"...so..." Kenny began from the floor, as he caressed Butters' arm. "Did we just... get engaged to each other? Or how does this work? Like does one cancel the other out or..."

"We're sharing brainwaves," Butters replied with a quiet laugh as his fingers ran through Kenny's hair, "d'you know how hilarious it would've been if we both got down for each other in the middle of the restaurant? We'd both be like... "no, you have to stand", and..." he trailed off in laughter. Kenny smiled up at him lovingly and took his hand.

"We'd both propose to each other on the ground, we both know that..." the darker blonde quipped with a grin. "We'll figure out the details later, all I know is that we're gonna be Mr. and Mr. McStochkick." Butters squealed and laughed with Kenny as they rolled around the floor tickling and kissing and holding each other.

"...we should seriously change our names to that."

"...you're _kidding_," Kenny said as his shoulders shook with laughter.

"You're right, I totally am."

They both stood up and Butters looked at the ring in his hand. It was bright silver, with a tiny band of blue diamonds running over the top. He saw Kenny looking at his silver ring, then smile lovingly as he slipped it on his ring finger. Butters bit his lip, then put his ring on, and felt tears burn his eyes once again. He squeezed Kenny's hand as he linked their fingers, and felt himself wrapped in the warmth of his boyfriend- no, fiancee.

"Thanks for waking me up," Kenny whispered, then kissed him gently. Butters just hummed happily and tangled his fingers in his hair as met his lips in a sweet kiss.


	15. Something Blue Part II

_Author's Note: Wellp, several ideas came into play with this one and it's different from how I both originally imagined it, how my PR originally imagined it, and waaaay different from the original ending. *shrugs* Either way, I hope you like this one, and it contains something I'm really mad that I didn't think of for the last chapter before, which is why this is "Something Blue Part II". _

_I also think everyone has been told at least once in their life to not lean back in their chair. I also think everyone has disregarded that advice and fallen backward and has either received either a physical wound or dignity wound from doing so._

_Enjoy!_

* * *

"How..." Butters grunted with effort, "are you..." he paused and took a deep breath, "still asleep?" another pause, then he sighed, "_there_ we go."

He glanced down at his handiwork, and Kenny, and slumped forward from temporary exhaustion.

The fact that Kenny could stay asleep from being dragged from their bed all the way to the kitchen and having his legs and arms tied kind of scared Butters. Kenny wasn't usually that deep of a sleeper either; during the week he would wake up at the slightest noises, as if he were waiting for something to happen. Always alert.

Except on the weekends, apparently.

Butters shook his head and opened the kitchen cupboard. He dug out a bag of Captain Crunch, poured two bowls, and put the colorful cereal berries from one bowl back in the bag. He set them on the table, then got himself a cup of coffee and orange juice, and Kenny a cup of black coffee and milk.

Now that Kenny was tied up and in the kitchen, he really didn't know what he was going to do. There were quite a few options he had, and he needed a moment to choose the right one.

The first option that came to his mind was to drag the chair outside, put it in the middle of the snow, and wait for him to wake up. Of course it wouldn't take long at all for that, and it was honestly too cold because Kenny was only in his boxers.

The next idea was sleep sex. But the kitchen chairs were terrible and they'd end up on the floor, laughing instead of actually screwing each others' brains out. Kenny also had a slight aversion to sleep sex, although he appreciated it on his birthday last year. Plus the glass doors didn't have a curtain and their kitchen overlooked their neighbor's house and he didn't think they'd want a view of that... or they could, he just wasn't looking to find out.

Butters leaned back in his chair and groaned softly as he considered the different options he had. He could just cook for him, or he could egg him. Or he could spray him with the hose in the sink.

But he couldn't be that mean, at least not today. He gave a wistful look to Kenny, who was still fast asleep in the chair, and took a bite of his cereal.

He let out a little squeak of surprise as he lost his balance with the chair. He expected a crash landing, but calmed down when the front legs of the chair touched the ground; he remembered always being told to not lean back in his chair throughout elementary and high school.

Butters glanced at Kenny with a growing grin and dropped his spoon in the bowl.

He stood up and went to stand behind Kenny's chair, then slowly lifted the front legs from the floor. With Kenny tied it would be even more hilarious to watch him try to stand up, and he figured falling would be enough to startle him.

Butters glanced down at Kenny, with his eyes closed and lips parted slightly as he breathed through his mouth; he always had colds in the winter. After mentally counting down from three in his head, Butters stepped back and pushed the chair down with a kick-like force.

He heard the clatter and watched Kenny jump about six inches off of the chair. Butters stifled his laughter and heard a mix of coughing, grumbling, and laughter from Kenny, who stared at him with bleary eyes.

""Inception"..." he mumbled after his coughing stopped, "why 'm I in the kitchen?" He eyed Butters warily and fought to move his legs. "Stotch..."

"McCormick...?" Butters mocked with a grin. Kenny tried to pull his feet out of the knotted rope and sighed heavily. He then moved to free his hands from behind his back, and threw his head back in slight aggravation.

"Explain."

"Ooh, the monotone makes you sound like a Dalek," Butters teased, earning a glare from Kenny. "I mean, Merry Christmas!" Kenny snorted and then grunted as he tried to free his hands, "I told you I'm good with knots." The darker blonde gave him a look, and Butters beamed under his intense gaze.

"Mhmm," tight-lipped and frustrated, Kenny bent his body in the best way his restrained figure could, and felt the chair lift slightly. "Seriously?!" he cried as he fell back; his head smacked against the back of the chair and he grimaced. "This is the worst Christmas ever."

"Nuh-uh," Butters chimed before he decided to lift the chair. Kenny glared at him, completely helpless, and Butters knew that was the feeling he hated the most. "Santa left us some really good presents last night, I think. I mean there were quite a few out there from what I saw and he really enjoyed those cookies I made." Kenny smirked a little and looked up from between long blonde hair that fell in his eyes.

"I reckon the reindeer liked the carrots too," Butters nodded and laughed softly.

"Maybe not the salt, though."

"No, deer like salt, so-"

"Well, _I _don't," Butters grumbled with a slightly pouted expression. Kenny chuckled and sighed before he looked up at the shorter, but standing blonde.

"You know, you should untie me because everyone's gonna be here at noon."

"Oh, are the munchkins coming too?" Kenny nodded and grimaced as he looked at Butters.

"We just got this house, they're going to demolish it..." he whispered sadly, then looked down at his food and sighed dismally. "I think you should untie me now."

"And I think..." Butters began, then burst out laughing, "you should wake up earlier to avoid these situations." Kenny sent him a mocking face then tried lifting his arms over his head. He growled lowly and settled, before sending Butters his puppy eyes.

"NO!" Butters cried, then threw cereal at Kenny, who flinched. "This is your punishment, I'm leaving you here all day."

"Fine," Kenny barked, "because traumatizing my little nephews as I sit in my underwear with bruises and bite marks all over me is on my agenda for Christmas."

"Well..." Butters said, looking Kenny up and down with darkening cheeks as he took in the various hickeys and inflamed skin with teeth marks in the center; that was _not_ his fault. "if you weren't such a masochist we wouldn't have that problem, now would we?" Kenny just hummed at that and smiled goofily before he scooted forward with the chair.

"Pleeeaaase untie me? I wanna show you your first present." Butters smirked and swooped down to kiss Kenny.

"I think that's right in front of me." Kenny lifted an eyebrow and smirked before nipping at Butters' bottom lip.

"Considering I'm about unwrapped, I'm a pretty easy present..."

"You just play hard to get," Butters replied, patting him on the top of his head. Kenny made a face, but shrugged his shoulders and tried to break his ankles free; he hissed in slight pain as the rope cut in his skin.

"You really are good with knots," Butters just snickered and Kenny rolled his eyes before slumping his shoulders, "fine, take me, I am your willing prisoner."

"Oh geeze, lay it on thick, will ya?" Kenny poked out his tongue and threw his head back again, dramatically this time, and nearly fell down once again. Butters burst out laughing at his startled expression.

"Go check the front door," Kenny said, "maybe it'll get you to untie me." Butters tilted his head, a mannerism he picked up from Kenny and sighed before leaving the room.

He glanced back and saw Kenny's smirk as he left the kitchen. The smell of pine enveloped him as he entered the living room. He liked the fact Kenny had wanted a real tree rather than the artificial ones he had when growing up. It had been more work but it really paid off and he knew he would never want to have a fake tree ever again. Kenny had a better eye for decorating the tree too, which surprised Butters. But he let Butters put the star on top, and then they had gotten high watching the lights.

Butters unlocked the front door and winced at the bright sun reflecting off of the snow. It still hurt his eyes even though he was used to the constant glare of snow. Butters, in his Hello Kitty pajama pants and Kenny's Batman shirt, stepped onto the shoveled front porch, done by Kenny sometime over the past twenty-four hours, and gaped.

"OH MY GOD!" He screamed and jumped ecstatically on the porch as he stared at the blue door; TARDIS blue, to be exact. He laughed and shook his head as he examined the door; his fingers were already starting to tingle from the cold and his bare feet were aching. But it was so worth it to see one of the most amazing Christmas presents he had ever been given; it was simple, dorky, and completely Kenny to think of something like that. Which is why he loved it even more.

He ran back in the house, to the kitchen, and saw Kenny's beaming face.

"When did you do that?! I love it!"

"When I got home from work last night, before the cookies _mysteriously_ disappeared," Kenny replied, then grunted softly as Butters jumped on top of him. "Ello."

"You keep forgetting about the carrots, too!" Butters cried, then laughed as Kenny rolled his eyes and fought against the rope on his wrists; he knew it bugged him to no end when he couldn't touch him in moments like this. "And... did you just say "hello?" Kenny let out an awkward laugh and kissed Butters' nose.

"No... I said "ello" but that's close enough," Kenny murmured, then lowered his head to his neck. Butters squirmed and pulled Kenny's head away, earning a half whine and half grumble.

"It's actually "allo", dear," Butters told him, earning a glower and felt him jerk as he tried to escape.

"Fine, _allo_," he deadpanned, "c'mon, we have like thirty minutes before my family gets here and I really don't think it'd be a good idea for them to see me tied up in a chair, even if we're not doing anything it's still fucking _weird_." Butters quirked an eyebrow and lowered his hips onto Kenny's.

"Who said we aren't doing anything?" Butters whispered in his ear before tugging on the lobe with his teeth.

"Mutual agreement... these chairs are shit, and..." Kenny trailed off with a shudder. Butters laughed before he kissed his jaw, and then pressed their foreheads together.

"Fuck the chairs," Kenny's eyes widened at Butters' response and felt him slide off of him. Butters ran to their bedroom and returned with a bottle and held it up to Kenny, who shook his head and laughed in disbelief.

As he shed his clothes and jumped on top of Kenny again, he beamed down at him and caressed his cheek. Kenny looked up, still laughing with flushed cheeks, and leaned in to kiss him.

"Merry Christmas, Ken," Butters whispered coyly, meeting his lips halfway.

He didn't care if the neighbors watched anymore.


	16. And It Goes Off With A Bang

_Author's Note: I figured I would just post now, I might do three this weekend. Or I might just stick with two, it depends on how much time I have. The PR is sick and has been since Thursday, and you know what's weird? When you have a really old injury that you never took the time to get looked at and once you finally do and you start home remedies to see if it'll help before going to medication and stuff (that's how I roll) it makes it feel way worse? It sucks. Pretty sure I'll be gimpy for awhile... stupid football injuries. I'm a little tired and rambly right now. _

_But thanks for all of the continued support! And I'm just throwing this out there- if anyone has any idea that they would want to happen for any upcoming chapter, let me know!_

* * *

Butters had been maintaining fairly late nights due to his job as a production assistant for a local agency as well as being casted as a major role in a play with the Equinox Theatre Company. He was getting home about a half an hour before Kenny, and by the end of the week he was worn ragged and just wanted to sit down, relax, and sleep.

For the first time he was feeling how Kenny felt; and his hard work at the production company wasn't paying off because he was being paid less than $10 an hour while working almost 70 hours a week. He knew he couldn't necessarily complain because he was just starting out and Kenny had worked up to 90 hours a week before while earning just barely above minimum wage, but it was difficult paying off loans while maintaining a house. He was just thankful Kenny didn't eat a lot, and because they weren't home enough their bills were significantly lower than they used to be.

But he found himself understanding why Kenny slept so late; the first weekend he had slept in until two in the afternoon and could barely walk from all of his standing and moving and lifting from the week. And even then Kenny woke up to find him sleeping on the couch; instead of a rude awakening Butters had been greeted with strawberry pancakes. It made him really reconsider the whole "Mission Impossible" idea, because suddenly Butters was thrust into Kenny's world and he couldn't handle it. He had no clue how Kenny was able to do this for the past four years.

But as time went on he grew more accustomed to power naps and natural remedies for staying energized; he probably couldn't handle any more caffeine. They helped him get through the day and eventually cutting back from a normal 8 hours of sleep a day to five hours didn't seem so difficult. Three was pushing it though. However, there were some mornings that Kenny barely managed an hour and a half; and he seemed wide awake, and more so than when getting five hours of sleep. His sleeping schedule was completely fucked up and Butters knew he didn't want to turn out like that; it would be impossible for him to function properly.

So sleeping in was vital for Butters on the weekends; except he was usually awake by noon at the absolute latest. Kenny was usually up by three at the earliest; Butters was being more lenient with him. But today was different because they had things to do and they couldn't pass this day up like the did New Year's Eve. Realizing they fell asleep at 11:00 and missed celebrating the new year had really bothered him.

Butters walked on sore legs to the bedroom as he carried his cup of hot tea with lemon and honey; he had a sore throat from singing, a double rehearsal, and relaying messages for his boss back and forth for ten hours straight. He opened the door and found Kenny had somehow managed to use Ursa as a pillow and seemed almost hidden as he burrowed into their dog. His hand was on his head, as if he had been awake and petted him at one point but was so tired he simply passed out once more.

He vaguely recalled Kenny getting home at seven in the morning but he still wasn't quite sure if that had been a dream or not. He knew he worked twelve hours last night and one of the workers who was supposed to open called in sick, so he stayed to help the newer employees with their various jobs.

Yeah, he felt bad that he worked another eighteen hour shift. But he also knew Kenny would beat himself up if he didn't wake up for today.

He was ashamed to say it but he had enlisted the help of Eric Cartman for this one. His mind had been blanking all day and he wanted something hilariously evil... and who better than the fat boy who he cared deeply for even if he had tortured him all through elementary and high school? So he had called him up, received the best possible answer for today, as it involved one of Kenny's favorite things, and set out to complete this mission.

Thankfully Kenny had his Mysterion outfit here. Otherwise he would have been screwed and unable to do this.

Butters set the pan in his hand down on the bed and took a sip of his tea before setting it on the night stand.

He went to the closet and pulled out Kenny's Mysterion outfit from the back. He didn't know how Karen still didn't know her brother was her guardian angel, but he kept it up even as she was in college. It was something she looked forward to; the visits were few and far between, but it was a reassurance for her to know she was more than loved and protected. He just didn't want to see the fall out when she finally found out the super hero's identity.

After digging around in the pants pockets for awhile he pulled out the string of firecrackers and quietly put them in the pan. There were only a few, but it would be more than enough for this to work. Butters grabbed the lighter from Kenny's side of the bed and bit his lip in nervousness. This was the first time he had ever lit a firework, and the potential to blow off his hand was great.

He flicked the wheel of the lighter and stared at the flame for a moment; he liked fire, sure, but Kenny was a pyromaniac. After the initial fright he would think this one was probably the best wake-up prank yet and would applaud him for it.

"Oh God..." he whimpered, taking the wick of the firecrackers and lit it. He yelped, threw it in the pan, and scrambled away as fast as he could. He glanced at his hand and sighed with relief when seeing everything was still intact, although he had burned his thumb.

He swore he heard a countdown before the machine-gun like explosions thundered through the room, amplified by the metal pan. He could see the fire and light from the fireworks explode in the pan and was mesmerized. Butters wasn't sure whether to laugh or cover his ears, and he watched as Kenny practically flew out of bed while letting out a slew of croaked curse words and caught his foot in the blanket. He landed with a loud thud on the floor and Butters gaped as he watched their dog knock the pan on the floor.

Uh-oh.

Ursa bolted out of the door, yelping and whimpering and nearly stampeding Kenny in the process. The dark blonde scrambled from the tangled sheets and looked as if someone had just shot him. Butters couldn't help but laugh; until he looked at the floor. Red paper and burns covered the carpet, and he saw smoke rise slowly. Embers glowed and he quickly stamped them out. He cried out as the final firecracker popped right by his foot, and he jerked himself away.

"Oh my fucking God..." Kenny gasped, clutching his head as he bent down and examined the floor. No fire, and the embers had burned themselves into the carpet. "You mother fucker," he growled lowly, voice hoarse from sleep and probably talking non-stop last night. His eyes were deeply bagged and he looked rather pale as he sat on the bed. "I'm not cleaning that up."

"I didn't think that'd happen..." Butters trailed off uneasily, Kenny raised an eyebrow and smirked slightly. "It was Cartman's idea."

"Yeah, I bet it was..." he grumbled; of course Cartman would tell Butters to do that. It was an attempt to kill him; he was sure the fatass was missing out on his weekly dose of murder. But Butters wouldn't understand that, so he just smiled softly and raked a hand through his sleep-ruined hair.

"Are you mad at me?" Butters asked, picking up the pieces of red paper that had been strewn across the floor. Kenny shook his head and yawned quietly into his hand before he rubbed his eyes.

"No, I'm just fucking tired as fuck... I don't understand why I'm doing more work than the managers but I won't get a promotion. It's like... c'mon, I'm the only one who busts my ass around there. Or at least a raise, Jesus..."

"Well, at least you're not working today, right?" Butters asked in a chipper voice as he picked up the warm firecrackers that had spilled on the floor. He winced, expecting them to go off, and quickly threw them in the pan.

"Yeah... ugh, what time is it?"

"12:30," Kenny groaned and yawned once more before he stood up. "I'd let you sleep but today is-" Kenny smiled and nodded before he put his hands on Butters' hips.

"Course, I know... today was the day I unknowingly sold my soul to the devil, who sent his most evil minion to wake me in the cruelest ways." Butters glared at him, "I mean... Happy Valentine's Day!"

"Well if I'm a minion of Satan, he must not be so bad, huh?" Kenny snorted and laughed quietly. Yeah, real nice. And very gay. It had been awhile since he had seen his old friend; he planned to keep it that way. "And yeah, happy Valentine's Day, jerk butt."

"Hey, you love me, I'm just blunt when I'm overtired." Butters smiled softly and tucked a stray blonde hair behind his ear. Kenny looked up at him with narrowed eyes and he patted his cheek.

"Well, how blunt would you be if I..." he trailed off, reaching in his pocket and held up two stubs, "got tickets for that one Mayhem festival you kept yammering about?" Kenny's jaw dropped as he grabbed one of the tickets, then looked over it with wide eyes and a goofy grin.

"You... you _were_ paying attention! Shit, you seriously got them? -whatarethose?" He asked as Butters held up another pair of tickets. "You didn't..."

"Kenny, tonight... you and I shall be going to see Flogging-"

"_No_!"

"Molly and-"

"WHAT? FUCK YES!"

"I made reservations at Linger, t-" Butters was cut off by Kenny squeezing him in a tight hug. He laughed as he fell on the bed and felt Kenny's stubble tickle his neck as he nuzzled him. "Dinner at five... stop, Ken... show's at eight, stop tickling m-me!"

Kenny laughed and captured his lips in a kiss and wrapped his arms tightly around him.

"Wanna know what I got you?" Kenny asked against his skin. Butters shrugged, then nodded.

"Well, I got you a cheesy card 'cause I'm _really_ good at finding those, and some chocolate... I ended up eating some on the way home so I got another one." Butters snickered from beneath him. "And we didn't really have time to celebrate you graduating... and it's Valentine's Day..."

"Yeah?"

"I took two weeks of vacation, and-" Butters squeezed him tightly; that was enough for him. But he knew it wouldn't be enough for Kenny, who was actually shaking with anticipation to tell him. "I _may_ have had a talk with the Equinox and your production company-"

"I can't take a vacation, I just got those jobs!"

"Well, nyah, you got a vacation." Kenny replied, poking out his tongue as Butters laughed in amazement. "Bags are packed, tomorrow we are leaving..."

"Not Hawaii," Butters said, Kenny shook his head.

"Pssh, save those rewards points, we'll have an awesome honeymoon or somethin'," Butters swooned at that, "I remember we were talking one night awhile ago and you were telling me all the stuff you wanted to do as a kid but never got to do."

"Yeah...?"

"Well, I know you went to Disneyland with your aunt and uncle-" Butters held his breath, "but... how does Disney World and Universal Studios sound...?"

"We're going to Florida?!" Kenny nodded. "Can we go to the Wizarding World of Harry Potter?" Another nod paired with a grin. "Tomorrow?!"

"Yes!"

"O-oh my God... Kenny, this is... I just..." he trailed off, unable to say anything more. He heard the quiet laugh and he made a happy noise as Kenny kissed him again.

"Yeah, you can shove it in Kyle's face that you got to go before him," the bright blonde giggled and looked at Kenny before he flailed his feet excitedly.

"I can't believe you did that, you're amazing!" He cried, Kenny shrugged and smiled lovingly at him.

"Well, I could say the same thing, m'love, I mean... you've just crossed three things off my bucket list."

"Three?" Kenny nodded and squeezed his hand.

"See Flogging Molly, go to the Rockstar Mayhem festival, and to see you the happiest you've ever been," Butters hummed at that, and caressed Kenny's cheek.

"The same could be said for you," Butters replied softly. Kenny just smiled down at him and pressed their foreheads together. "Thank you, Ken... so much."

"You're welcome, Lee, I couldn't be happier." Butters grinned and pressed their lips together.

"Even if I told you no sleeping in til three in the afternoon while on vacation?"

"Even then, I wouldn't anyway... I have to get stung by a jellyfish! It's number five on my bucket list!" Butters rolled his eyes and felt his body shake with laughter as Kenny beamed down at him. "Happy Valentine's Day, love of mine." The smaller of the two smiled and hummed in content as he squeezed Kenny tightly.

"Happy Valentine's Day, bright eyes."


	17. Spellbound

_Author's Note: Yeah... I kind of unleashed my nerd on this one. No regrets. By the way, I am on Pottemore; and my wand is apple with a dragon core string, slightly yielding. And yeah, I'm Hufflepuff... we're particularly good finders. Red vines._

_Okay, okay, I'm done. Now I have things to see and people to do._

_Wait..._

_Enjoy! :)_

* * *

"Accio Kenny."

Butters glared at the lump on the bed and sighed heavily. Kenny promised not to sleep in and they were supposed to go to Disney World today. They had spent the past two days at Universal Studios and now Kenny had become a lump once again. He knew he shouldn't be upset as it was only nine in the morning but they had things to do. Butters had also grown to hate lines because of his friendship with Eric Cartman.

He lifted the wand he bought from The Wizarding World of Harry Potter. His, according to Pottermore was an apple wood but all they had was ash, birch, and holly so he decided to go with ash. It wasn't a big deal, he actually had a wand and now he was pretending to cast spells at Kenny, who was hugging his pillow. He was also wearing his Hufflepuff scarf and tie. He made Kenny get on Pottermore before going to The Wizarding World of Harry Potter to at least be properly sorted; he was a Gryffindor.

"Wingardium Leviosa!" Butters said as he swished and flicked his wrist in a way Hermione Granger would be proud. Kenny remained still, and he grimaced. "Keeeeennnnyyyyy..." he whined, shoving his arms, "we have things to do..."

The dark blonde mumbled in his sleep and burrowed his head in the pillow. Butters sighed heavily and smirked.

"Imperio!"

He could make him wake up and then break the curse once he was awake. Only he grimaced when realizing he really wasn't a wizard, and just a stupid muggle with a wand. Of course it wouldn't work for him. It wouldn't stop him from trying at least.

"Crucio!"

Well, that one was just mean. Thankfully the only thing Kenny did was exhale rather than curl up in extreme pain. It probably wouldn't have worked anyway; Butters didn't want to hurt him. He never did. So it would probably only tickle.

"Accio Kenny," he mumbled sadly, pointing his wand at the blonde who was unmoving except for his slow breathing. He furrowed his eyebrows and waved his wand again, "Avada Kedavra!"

Okay, that was uncalled for. He really didn't want to kill Kenny; he didn't even want to maim or seriously injure him. He just wanted him awake; he went through his mind, trying to think if there was a spell to actually wake someone up. It wouldn't work, anyway.

At that, Butters looked at his wand woefullly and set it back in its box. He shoved Kenny slightly, and gasped when seeing he wasn't breathing.

"K-Kenny?"

He nudged his shoulder and noticed it was rather limp.

Oh my God, he killed Kenny.

"Kenny!"

He put his hand under his nose to see if he could feel his breath; there was none. He searched his neck and wrist for a pulse, then pressed his head against his chest to hear a heartbeat.

Butters whimpered as his eyes slowly looked to the wand on the nightstand. It couldn't have worked, it was just from a novelty shop. Actually, it was from Ollivander's, but not the real one. Just the one set up in Florida. It couldn't possibly...

"You should've tried Rennervate,"

Butters gawked and pulled away from Kenny. He looked down at the blonde who was shaking with silent laughter and glared darkly.

"Kenneth, that was _not_ funny."

"What... you thought you actually killed me?" Kenny asked with a smirk. Butters growled and pulled at his arm, dragging him out of bed. "I've been up for awhile, I just thought it was cute hearing you cast spells on me. Crucio, really?"

"You wouldn't even know what that was if I didn't make you watch the movies," the bright blonde grumbled with a disapproving tone.

"Nuh-uh, I read the books to Karen when we were little." Butters gazed into his bleary eyes and Kenny smiled.

"You had the books?" he scoffed and shook his head.

"No, I stole them from the library one summer. By the end she read each of them like three times." He faltered under Butters' adoring gaze and shrugged his shoulders. "And then we all went to that midnight premiere where everyone was duelling everyone."

"Remember when Voldemort took the front row with all of his death eaters?" Kenny snickered and nodded.

"Cartman should've been Hagrid." They burst out laughing and Butters rested his head on Kenny's chest.

"I was just an average Hufflepuff." Kenny lifted his chin and shook his head.

"Nah, you were... oh, what was his name? Ernie somethin'..." Butters burst out laughing and Kenny furrowed his eyebrows. "What?!"

"I didn't remember him, you really are a Potterhead." Kenny scoffed and rolled his eyes with a small smile.

"Not the only pot-like head I've been called," Butters snickered and pulled himself away from him.

Kenny quickly dressed and went into the bathroom. Butters glanced to his wand and picked it up, examining it closely. He pointed it at the bathroom door and shook his head. He hadn't killed Kenny, why would he think a spell would actually work?

"Alohomora," he said, and squeaked as he heard the lock click. The door opened and Kenny poked his head out with a raised eyebrow. Part of his face had shaving cream on it, and he grinned.

"Did you unlock the door?" He asked, trying not to laugh; the walls weren't soundproof and he heard him mutter that incantation. He was just messing around with Butters. But he wondered if that was a bad idea when Butters cried out and threw the wand on the bed, terrified of what he had done to Kenny. He whimpered and looked to him with wide eyes. "Hey, Buttercup, I'm kidding around... you're not a wizard."

"Shh..." Butters whispered, "you're breaking my eleven year old heart." Kenny just smiled at that, and disappeared back in the bathroom.

Butters sat on the bed, examining his wand and then touched his scarf. He heard Kenny humming a random tune from the bathroom and listened for a moment. He grinned when recognizing it as "Once Upon a Dream".

"You know, Sleeping Beauty is very fitting for you," Butters quipped. he saw Kenny's arm poke out of the door and his middle finger was held high. "Hey, you love me!"

Kenny jumping out of the bathroom, brandishing his own wand with a wicked grin. Butters hopped from the bed and pulled his arm behind him, wand at the ready.

"Expelliarmus!" They both cried in unison, then burst out laughing. Kenny looked at his wand, then at Butters, and charged for him. The bright blonde squeaked as they toppled to the floor laughing and punching and kicking.

"Bippity boppity boo," Kenny said, then tapped the top of Butters' head. He glared at Kenny, who grinned happily down at him.

"I think we'd have a Priori Incatatem," he finally mumbled. Kenny nodded, then poked Butters' chest with his wand.

"I still win that duel."

"'Cause you're a cheater!" Butters whined before he broke out in giggles. His laugh was silenced by Kenny's lips.

"C'mon," the dark blonde finally chirped, pulling him up, "we have to go to Disney World now... we can be Sora and Riku and take on the _world_!"

Butters rolled his eyes as Kenny ran out of the room.

"No, you'd be _Goofy_," he mumbled to himself with a smirk, before grabbing his wallet and room key.


	18. Black Snake Moan

_Author's Note: This is inspired by my day yesterday. Not my night... that was a different story. *looks at group of hungover guys laying in my living room watching Tangled* Oh boy..._

_Enjoy!_

* * *

He wanted a garden, he said.

It would be awesome, he said.

That was before he realized he didn't have the proper tools for gardening. He figured it could help them save on groceries and would be something fun for them both to do; their back yard was big enough, at least. Only he didn't realize how much effort it was to prepare the ground.

After spending four hours in the sun, shoveling, raking, and trying to till the lawn, Butters collapsed on the grass in a tired heap of sweat and sunburned skin. It wasn't usually this warm so early in the year. But it was nice, at least, and they weren't looking at having any snow in the forecast until next fall. That was subject to change, as always, but he was taking in these warm days and finding new energy.

Kenny, on the other hand, was still in hibernating mode.

He didn't know it was humanly possible to get sunburned through the clouds. He had ridiculously fair skin and was always prone to sunburns but it was fairly cloudy. He wiped his brow with a shaky, dirt-covered arm, and fought to stand on his numb legs. He gripped the deck railing and hoisted himself up, yelping in the process.

At least he had tilled the garden. Now he just had to treat the ground and then plant. He would wait for warmer days to do that, however. For now he was done, and he was awful proud of his hard work. Ursa thought it was a playground and began to roll around in the dirt.

"Ursa!" he cried weakly; it was such a chore giving that damn dog a bath. He usually made Kenny do it.

The bear of a dog looked up from burrowing its head in the dirt and wagged his tail happily. Butters stared in disgust at the St. Bernard and quickly bolted for the deck when seeing what he had in his mouth.

"Ew, put it down, that's gross, sick! God dammit, Ursa!" He cried, jumping onto a chair when the dog dropped the rather large snake on the deck. It lifted its body and struck at the dog, who batted at its head and crouched.

Oh no, he thought it was a toy.

The snake was huge, for Butters at least, and he watched it coil and shake its tail. But it didn't look like a rattlesnake, not exactly, he just had no clue what it was and if it was poisonous.

"U-Ursa!" He called with a shaky voice, then patted his leg. Their dog lifted his ear and barked loudly, causing Butters to jump. Butters squeaked as the snake hissed and lunged for their dog, who batted at it with his huge paw. It was knocked to the ground, and Butters couldn't help but chuckle.

From what he could tell it was mostly black with a cream color on its stomach. He quietly got down from the chair and ran into the house, grabbing an old grocery bag and latex glove from the kitchen cupboard in the process. He shuddered violently as he approached the snake, who had recoiled and now flicked its tongue at him.

"What are you...?" He asked quietly, hoping that if he reached for it he wouldn't get bit and die. That's not the wake-up call Kenny deserved.

So he called Kyle, who seemed amused as he told him it was probably a bull snake. His next suggestion was one that grossed him out. But he vaguely remembered a conversation that revolved around Kenny saying he had an anaconda in his pants.

Well, he'd have a bull snake in the bed, too, apparently. Maybe they could become good friends.

Butters shivered as he reached down and caught the snake just a little behind its neck. the body writhed violently and he shrieked as its cold tail hit his bare leg; he was wearing shorts, it was nice out and he needed to get rid of that winter glow. He knew it was trying to make that rattle sound and bit his lip hard enough to make it bleed.

Ursa was going wild as he watched Butters pick up the snake. He jumped, nearly knocking Butters over in the process, and he barely managed to push him back down on the deck.

"Stay," Butters said sternly. He watched as he sat down and wagged his tail, then tilted his head as he closed the glass door. "C'mon, you little bastard..." he murmured to the snake, who flicked its tongue out at him. Butters nearly dropped it in disgust when feeling its tail try to wrap around his leg. There was no way he was letting a snake loose in the house.

It was better than Aragog; at least he could touch the freaking basilisk.

"Hey Kenny..." Butters called gently as he walked up the stairs and into their room. He had thrown the comforter off sometime after Butters woke up this morning; it was rather warm in their room. The bluish grey sheet covered him from the waist down, and he saw he was sweating slightly as he tossed and turned his head.

Apparently he was having a nightmare.

Butters shrugged; Kenny didn't have a problem with snakes, so this wouldn't be too bothersome.

He made sure to close the door as he slowly lifted the blanket. Kenny made a quiet sound in his sleep before his nails dug in the pillow. Now he was rethinking this, and considered just waking him gently. He frequently had nightmares, from what Butters didn't know, and those were the days he usually let him off easy. Instead of a near heart-attack he just woke him with a hug and running his hand through his hair.

But he really couldn't pass up this opportunity.

"I'm sorry..." he whispered, knowing Kenny wouldn't hear him; at least he could now tell Kenny he had apologized and didn't really want to wake him like this if he woke up angry.

He let go of the snake as soon as he laid him next to Kenny. He cringed as he watched it slither up his side, causing Kenny to jerk and thrash his head the opposite direction. As it slithered down the sheets, Butters gagged, and he heard Kenny whimper.

"S-stop..."

He could see from beneath the sheet that the snake was wrapping around his leg; were they constrictors? Butters wasn't quite sure, but he watched as Kenny sat straight up with wide eyes as he looked at Butters. His chest heaved for air as he woke up from his nightmare, and it appeared as if he had seen a ghost.

"W-what the hell is on my leg?!" He asked, ripping the sheets back. Kenny yelped as he scrambled off the bed, falling in the process, and reached for the snake. Butters heard it hiss and watched as Kenny grabbed its head, then quickly pulled its tail and body from his leg. With shaky arms he threw it at Butters, who let out a cry of alarm as he caught it. He ran to the window, opened both the glass and screen, all the while battling with an angry bull snake, and threw it out the window. He watched as Ursa ran for it, and shuddered as he saw it slither through the dead grass.

He turned to Kenny who looked both frightened and angry, and his heart fell.

"Are you okay?" Butters asked gently.

"I'm fine," Kenny grumbled, snatching the blankets and throwing them on the bed. He still appeared shaky, and he jerked as Butters touched his arm.

"I'm sorry, I didn't..." he trailed off; he didn't know what to say. He knew Kenny was having a nightmare but he still went through with it. Yet he couldn't just pick and choose what days he decided to torment Kenny. "I'm sorry."

"It's fine," Kenny sighed and ran a hand through his sweaty hair.

"I... I knew you were havin' a nightmare but I still-"

"Dude, it's fine, just... just drop it. I'm fine." Kenny tried to walk out of the room, but Butters pulled him back. He sighed angrily when seeing the concern on his fiancee's face. "I'm fine."

"What was this one about?" He knew it was stupid to ask. Kenny never told him. He said he wouldn't understand, he would think he was crazy, and it just wasn't worth it to talk about it. But there were so many things he did that Kenny could say he was crazy for; besides, you can't help what you dream, so it didn't really matter what he thought.

"Just... nothing, I don't remember."

"You're lying," he knew when Kenny lied. It was that tone of voice. He could look him in the eye and lie perfctly; he just knew well enough what voice was used for what. Kenny just shook his head and took a deep breath as he calmed himself down. Butters pulled him forward and wrapped his arms around him.

"You're sunburned," Kenny mumbled with a smile in his voice as he held Butters' waist.

"You're deflecting."

"I don't want to talk about it," there was a whole part of Kenny's life they didn't talk about. They usually called it The Dark Ages. Also known as junior year of high school.

"But it's bothering you!" Butters couldn't help it. He hated it when Kenny did this. He mostly hated that he had nightmares and didn't let Butters do anything about it. "I just want to help, please, Kenny?" He also hated that sad, teary tone of voice he got when he was upset. It always made Kenny feel bad. "Please?"

He felt Kenny rest his head on his shoulder and tighten his hold around him. Butters squeezed him closer and ran his hand lovingly through his hair.

"Your fucking snake didn't help either," he mumbled finally, voice soft. Butters hated that voice more than he hated his own.

"I'm sorry... Ursa found it after I worked outside."

"Mmm..."

"I'm sorry... what... what happened in your dream?"

"I died," he heard Kenny finally mumble. Butters pulled away from him.

"You can't die in your dreams!" Butters cried, "if you die in your dreams, you die in real life... God, that must have been awful. I've only woken up right before I died. I remember this one dream of mine where we were doin' something and I ended up falling and I woke up right before I landed. I jumped so bad." He heard Kenny laugh sadly. "You actually died in your dream?" Kenny nodded. "I guess you don't die in real life after all..."

"Or I'm just different," the dark blonde murmured sadly. Butters had a feeling he was hinting at something more, but didn't want to push. The fact he actually got a response about what happened amazed him.

"Everyone's a little different, hon," Butters assured, then kissed his temple. Kenny sighed and pressed his nose into his shoulder. "Is there anything I can do?" Kenny felt small in his arms as he burrowed farther into him.

"Just hold me."


	19. Kenny Strikes Back

_Author's Note: I managed to cough this up as well as a lung. I'm on a nerd streak, I think. _

_I'm feeling under the weather so I apologize if there are any typos. I have edited but I'm sure my current state has made me jump over some things. _

_Anywho, enjoy!_

* * *

It was early and it was bright and Kenny just wanted to go back to sleep.

But it was one of those mornings where, no matter how hard you try, sleep evades you and you end up just sitting there thinking about everything. And thinking never did him any good so he wouldn't let himself do that. With a quiet grumble and a glare of jealousy toward Butters, he carefully scooted from beneath the smaller blonde and placed his pillow in his spot. He couldn't help but smile as Butters clutched it tight and nuzzled against it.

Mornings were never his thing and even though it was ten in the morning, which most people would consider late, he still felt as if he had been run over by a train and tried to find enough exhaustion to go back to bed. Unfortunately he wasn't tired enough so his feet betrayed him and he found himself outside having a cigarette in the cool mid-March air.

There was only one good thing about waking up before Butters; revenge.

And it wouldn't be the near heart-attack inducing fear he had caused the last time this happened; he learned his lesson. He knew exactly what he wanted to do and what he needed. There was just one problem.

"Stan?" He found himself asking with the cigarette still in his mouth.

"Mhmm...?" Apparently Stan was still sleeping so he didn't feel so bad about his morning habits; or lack thereof.

"Do you still happen to have a lightsaber? Mine broke."

There was only one way to combat Butters' _Harry Potter_ attack, and that was with _Star Wars_. Of course, it went to shit when the prequel happened, and even worse when Disney bought the franchise, but he didn't want to think about that. The fact that Stan _did_ have a lightsaber, and his favorite one at that, was enough to make him want to have a movie marathon; too bad he had work nearly every day and Butters couldn't sit through all of the movies. That's something he had to do with Kyle.

So he found himself at Kyle and Stan's apartment browsing through their collection of various movie memorabilia they were both embarrassed and protective over. Some were simple toys whereas others were relics from various sets. Kyle had started it and it was something they both ended up doing together as long as Kyle helped him with his concert collection. Personally, as Kenny rifled through it and passed a water bottle with the label "Blink-182 Concert: 2010" he was thankful he and Butters weren't _that_ weird.

"What is this for?" Kyle, barely dressed and sporting frizzy red curls, croaked sleepily. Kenny shrugged and looked over what he recognized as the Tenth Doctor's sonic screwdriver. Kyle blushed as Kenny raised an eyebrow and set it back in the box.

"Something. I'll bring it back tonight, promise. Can I just ask you two something?" Both Kyle and Stan, who looked completely wrecked from whatever they did the previous night, nodded slowly. "What the hell is wrong with you?"

"What d'you mean?" Stan asked before he took the last swig of his coffee. Kenny looked to the box.

"You have water bottles and wrist bands from concerts... and cheapo toys you can get at Barnes and Noble that I'm sure you paid like four times as much for. Isn't that taking up space?"

"You just don't get it," Kyle replied, sending a knowing look to Stan who just nodded; Kenny hated that they had this super secret telepathic code. Kenny sighed and shrugged his shoulders; he supposed he and Butters had weird stuff like that others noticed as well. He just didn't know what, seeing as how they _weren't_ fanatic hoarders.

"All I get is that you're weird," Kenny teased as he waved the lightsaber with through the air, then twirled it between his fingers much like how he spun knives.

"Says the one who has The Treasure Chest," Kenny felt his cheeks heat at that.

"You went snooping in our closet, that was _your_ fault, assmuncher!" the blonde quipped in response to Kyle's smug retort. Stan was trying not to laugh. Kyle waved him off as he chortled, which earned him a one finger salute before Kenny closed the door. "Freaks," he grumbled to himself before he descended the stairs, all the while waving the lightsaber between his fingers.

Kenny arrived back home about fifteen minutes later. He quietly ran up the stairs and was greeted with the sight of Butters sleeping soundly as he snuggled in the blankets. He couldn't believe how innocent he could look; there were moments where he still seemed ten years old. No matter what he was adorable, but he couldn't help but feel a tug on his heart when he saw him sleeping. Butters was content and happy with whatever dream he was dreaming; he didn't have to deal with the stress he endured when he was awake.

"You can cast all the spells you want at me..." Kenny began, brandishing the lightsaber. He looked at it in surprise as it hummed with his movements. It glowed purple and he grinned; his was nothing like this. "But I have the Force."

He lowered his arm furiously and heard the plastic smack against Butters' forehead. A synthetic whir came from the toy and he shook his head in awe.

Butters moaned quietly and put his hand over his forehead.

"Wake up," Kenny commanded, whacking him on the shoulder with the saber this time. "Up."

The bright blonde below him mumbled incoherently and Kenny smirked before smacking the plastic saber over his stomach. Before he pulled it away, Butters managed to grab it and opened one eye.

"McCormick," he grumbled; his voice was considerably lower when he first woke up and Kenny loved it. The darker blonde smiled dazzling white teeth down at him and Butters shook his head once. "You realize if this were real you would have scalped me, taken off my arm, and cut me in half?"

"Well, you shoulda woke up!" Butters scoffed quietly and let go of the lightsaber.

"'m tired, Ken, I _never_ wake you this early..." he whined, pulling the blanket up to his cheeks. Kenny fell back on the bed and Butters immediately crawled between his legs and rested his head on his lap. "Why are you awake?"

"Don't question the Force," he replied with a sly grin. Butters rolled his eyes and felt Kenny's legs wrap around him.

"You're not a Jedi," Butters huffed; he felt Kenny tap him on the head in response and he furrowed his eyebrows. "You can be a vigilante or a Japanese princess, but you can't be a Jedi."

"Why the hell not?!" The shorter of the two couldn't help but laugh at Kenny's genuine question. He looked as if he had been slapped in the face.

"Because I said so."

"Well... I have the Force, so your argument is invalid," Kenny replied as his fingers ran absentmindedly through Butters' soft hair.

"You think you, do but you don't." Butters grimaced as Kenny hit him on the head with the lightsaber once again. "Kenneth!"

"We don't do anything that people would find weird, do we?" Kenny asked, slightly out of the blue. Butters opened his eyes and shook his head.

"The only thing I could think of is my torture techniques to wake you up."

"It's not _torture_," Kenny murmured his response. Butters flashed him a soft smile before looping their fingers together.

"Okay, fine, my masochist. Why do you ask?"

"'Cause we're not gonna end up collecting water bottles from concerts are we?" Butters snickered and shook his head. "Good."

"No, we'll probably be so desperate for a life that we'll save the shirts we wear to the concerts and never wash them again. Then when we're looking for that semblance of a social life we'll sniff them and say 'I remember the good ol' days of smelling like twenty men pushing their way to the mosh pit. And pot.'"

Butters burst out laughing at the horrified expression on Kenny's face. He winced as he strained his neck while Kenny fumbled around on the nightstand.

"What are you doing?!" He cried emphatically; he just wanted another hour of sleep. That's all he needed.

"I need a life..." Kenny whined, tapping furiously into his phone, "I don't want to sniff fat men on my favorite shirts..."

"I was _teasing_."

"But it could happen! You don't joke about stuff like that! I'll be that desperate and we both know it!" Butters couldn't stifle his laughter anymore.

"Okay, so what's the plan, brilliant Jedi?" He pressed sleepily. Butters nuzzled his head on Kenny's thigh and pressed his lips on the fabric of his pants.

"I'm telling David I need to cut back on my hours at work... not gonna be like Style..." Butters bit back his snicker as he sat up momentarily. He lifted Kenny's hips and pulled at the waistband of his sweat pants, exposing his Batman boxers and pallid legs. "What're you doing...?" Butters pulled his pants off of him, then rested his head on his thigh once more.

"Better," was the only reply Kenny received. He shrugged and tightened his legs around Butters as his fingers danced in his hair. "I'm definitely not opposed to the shorter work days for you. You deserve it." Kenny hummed at that. "I just... I'm curious about something."

"Hmm?" Kenny asked lazily. He was starting to grow sleepy himself. Maybe he could sleep another hour or so as well. Except he felt Butters grab his wrist as his knees held down his hands. Kenny was surprised at first, and watched as he opened the nightstand drawer and pulled out the wand he bought on their vacation.

"If you have the Force, then I can fight back, right?" Kenny raised an eyebrow.

"I guess that's fair..." he replied with a grin as he caught the fierce look in Butters' eyes. He liked that look way more than he should have. "Your move, I used my lightsaber to wake you."

"Perfect!" Butters chirped. Kenny felt his smile fade as he held the wand in his hand and pointed it at him. "_Petrificus Totalus_!"

"What one's that?" Kenny asked curiously; it sounded familiar.

"Full body bind, mister." Kenny's jaw dropped, and Butters shook his head as he wore a devilish grin that sent shivers down Kenny's spine. "You can't move a single muscle. Where's your Force now, _Jedi_?" The bright blonde growled in a low voice before he dug his nails in the small tear in Kenny's shirt and yanked it in two. He smiled against Kenny's skin and felt him tense slightly. "I said not a _single_ muscle."

"I've got a bad feeling about this," Kenny mumbled. Butters looked up at him, at first ready to scold, but when he saw the look on his face he couldn't help but laugh.

"Shut up, I'm trying to be dominant. I said no moving!" Kenny looked down at him and tried not to laugh, or move, which caused Butters to laugh even more.

"This is what I get for trying to strike back." He couldn't help but say that; it was a given.

"Oh, you're an empire?" Butters teased, then shook his head and replaced the humor in his eyes with a menacing glimmer. "You can try to strike back all you want, dear, but I'm the only one who has struck. And I'm the only one who will stroke. Got it?"

Kenny closed his eyes and shivered. Yep, this was exactly what he wanted. The Force was with him, after all.


	20. Golden

_Author's Note: I hope you all had a happy Easter if you celebrate Easter! Or a happy 4/20. Or a happy Sunday._

* * *

Butters pushed the large container, nearly full of water, down the hall. By the time he managed to kick it with as much strength as he could muster, he was out of breath and he couldn't feel his legs. Butters trembled as he lugged the plastic container to the edge of the bed and nearly dropped it as he dumped the water into the small baby pool that just so happened to appear in their room.

Kenny deserved a rude awakening. It's not that he had done anything wrong, today was just a little different. And he had thought a lot about this tactic and after watching a multitude of successful wake up pranks revolving around this, he figured he could pull it off just as well. The only problem he faced was he was already exhausted and all he did was fill the baby pool. All he had to do was flip the mattress and run like hell.

He bit his lip and pulled up the corner of the mattress. He fit himself between the wall and the bed and worked his hands under until he had a decent grip. With a mental countdown in his head, Butters watched Kenny with intense eyes. He didn't want him waking up right before he had a chance to do this. But he really did want to see the expression on his face right before he was plunged into a rubber baby pool filled up to eight inches.

Butters pushed with all of his might to lift his side of the mattress. He didn't flip it all the way into the air, but enough to make Kenny slide off, yet not too quickly. He set it down and watched as Kenny jumped awake not even a millisecond before falling facedown into the tiny pool.

He burst out laughing when he caught sight of Kenny's position. His feet stuck out of the pool and he had tried to cover his face before he landed. Water sloshed off of the sides and onto the floor; Butters honestly didn't mind much although he probably should have. He grabbed the stereo remote and pressed play; the beginning to a song he knew Kenny despised played, and the dark blonde, shivering and soaked down the front, shot up from the pool.

"Leopold-"

"Happy Birthday, Kenneth!" He shouted, much to the aggravation of his fiancee who was glaring daggers at him.

_"It feels like a perfect night to dress up like hipsters_  
_And make fun of our exes, uh uh, uh uh-"_

"-Stotch turn that shit off right now or I will _kill_ you!" Kenny cried, then lunged for the remote. Taylor Swift's unsurprisingly terrible hit played off of the stereo and Butters couldn't stifle his giggles anymore as he watched Kenny slip and fall on the bed. "I hate you."

"No you don't!" Butters cried over the loud music. Kenny launched himself at Butters, who was laughing hysterically as Kenny swiped the remote from his hands and turned off the stereo.

"Why do you even have that song?"

"I got it just for you, just for today... I don't regret it." Butters eyed Kenny, who appeared half normal and half like a drenched puppy who had nearly drowned. Kenny raked a hand through his hair, pulling back his bangs in the process, and gave the bright blonde a look before he sat on the bed.

"I'm not dealing with that pool. I'm not doing anything today and you can't make me." Butters raised an eyebrow and sat next to him.

"Okay, Princess," Kenny just smiled smugly and made a face as Butters wiped at the water on his face. "We're still going out with Stan and Kyle and Cartman, right?" Cartman was in town for spring break, although he didn't seem to happy about it. Kenny shrugged, then nodded. "Good, 'cause I've been looking forward to that all week."

"The shit-faced version of you makes me so happy," Kenny simply replied, then took off his shirt and scratched at his damp skin. Butters just smiled at him before he went to the dresser and tossed Kenny some dry clothes. Honestly they usually wore the same style so he was unable to identify whose clothes were whose anymore.

"So you're not mad about the pool? Or the Taylor Swift?" Kenny scoffed.

"The pool is your problem and I'm questioning your sanity on behalf of the Taylor Swift bullshit. But I'm not mad, so... honestly it's a pretty awesome way to wake up, being thrown in a pool, I mean."

"Are you encouraging me?" Butters asked with a grin. Kenny shrugged as he changed into the clothes and tossed his pajamas in the hamper.

"Maybe not encouraging... I'm just impressed by your progression." Butters hummed at that, and felt Kenny pull him close by the hem of his shirt.

"I'm just glad you're so compliant," Kenny smirked and pressed their foreheads together.

"Oh yeah, I'm always willing..." Butters rolled his eyes and wrapped his arms around Kenny. He felt Kenny tense as Butters slapped his ass, and he couldn't help but smirk at that.

"Twenty-one to go," Kenny's eyes widened and he shook his head.

"No, you're not doing that stupid smack thing. Nuh-uh."

"Why? I can make it enjoyable, maybe you can slap me too," Butters suggested coyly; he caught the look in Kenny's eyes and smiled innocently.

"But it's not your birthday."

"Well then, a very merry unbirthday to me, huh? Besides, you're the birthday boy... it's whatever you wanna do. I'm _always_ willing," Butters teased. Kenny's eyes lit up, then faltered. Butters' smile faded.

"Oh, it's up to me? I'm actually kinda hungry. I think I'm gonna get some breakfast," he heard the laugh in his voice as Kenny turned away and walked to the door. Butters whined and sat on the bed, hoping the sound would lure him back. Kenny just turned around and looked at the pool. "This ass ain't gonna be touched til that thing gets outta here." Butters raised an eyebrow, as if silently asking, _you wanna make a bet?_ Kenny just held his ground, flashed an evil grin, then disappeared.

"You're an asshole!" Butters whined, then kicked the pool. Water splashed on his pant leg and he grimaced.

"No, but I have one!" Kenny called back from a distance; Butters glared and bent down to drain the water back in the container.

Five trips back and forth between the bedroom and bathroom and two shaky legs later, Butters hoisted the container in the tub and fell back on the floor as he heard it empty down the drain. He couldn't feel his arms or legs this time and if he passed out from physical exhaustion then Kenny deserved to find him like that.

He heard rustling in their bedroom and lifted his head lazily. Slowly he made his way into the room and saw Kenny meticulously folding the pool to fit back in the box. He smiled at Butters, closed the box, and put it in the closet.

"Saving it?" Butters asked with a tone of curiosity. Kenny shrugged and lifted Butters effortlessly. "Why is water so heavy?" he mumbled into Kenny's shoulder. The bright blonde squealed as Kenny smacked his bottom three times before laying him on the bed; Butters instantly curled into his side once Kenny rested next to him.

"Yeah, I dunno it could come in handy some day." Butters furrowed his eyebrows yet said nothing more as he slipped his hand under Kenny's shirt. "I feel old." Butters laughed softly and shook his head.

"Well, you're not. You're twenty-two, these are apparently the best years of our lives aaaand it's your golden birthday!" Butters chirped, "that means it's even more special." Kenny smiled and ran his hands up Butters' sides. _"Are you feeling twenty-two ooh ooh...?"_ He teased, earning another smack.

"Yes, my darling dork," Kenny mumbled before he kissed him. "Now, about those birthday slaps..."


	21. Are You Positive?

_Author's Note: So sorry for the delay of chapters. I've had a pretty hectic couple of weeks and honestly the only reason why SAC was updated rather than this is because I have 20+ edited chapters ready to update in document manager. So this weekend is completely dedicated to this story. I'm so sorry for the delay and I really hope these next few chapters make up for it._

* * *

"Are you serious?!" He heard the girl's voice from the other end of the phone. "I can't do that! He will have a heart attack!"

"That's kind of the point," Butters heard Karen scoff and he sighed heavily. "It's enough of a shock to wake him up at least. Kyle and Stan's rehearsal is in like four hours and we're the best men. We should be there now... or something. I don't know. Please, Karen?! You have to do this for me!"

"...you realize he will murder me, right?" The nineteen year old asked warily.

"No, he'll murder me... he'll buy you a chastity belt." Karen snickered and Butters couldn't help but smile.

"Fine. You owe me... you have to let me in at Equinox." Butters sighed heavily; he could talk to the director about it. She was a good enough actress, in fact she was really good. She just needed to try out and it was extremely difficult to get even a call back. He was amazed he had and he went to nationals in college for theatre.

"Deal," he assured her and tip-toed in their bedroom to make sure Kenny's phone volume was on high. His fiance lay sprawled out across the bed, snoring slightly due to allergies. He looked comfortable, except a little warm. "I love you," he said to Karen.

"I love you too, I'll see you tonight!" She chirruped much too cheerily. It put him on edge and as he ended the call he couldn't help but dread what was about to happen. He quickly ran into the spare bedroom they turned into an office to make it seem like he was pre-occupied.

He tensed as he heard Kenny's phone ring and the man grumble as he fumbled to reach for it.

"Mm hey Kar-bear..." he trailed off groggily. Butters bit his lip and opened up Facebook on his laptop; that would work. Huh, apparently Tweek opened a bakery... "No, you didn't wake me... what... what's wrong?"

Nausea gripped Butters' stomach and he took a shuddered breath as he focused on the photos of the beautiful cakes and bread Tweek made. He wondered if he made Stan and Kyle's wedding cake.

"You're _what_?!" Kenny roared and Butters cringed as he bit his knuckle. Uh oh. This was a really bad idea. Suddenly he regretted asking Karen to do this. "You... you're not serious." A brief pause, "I'm going to kill that fucking Canadian. Shit, fuck... you're my baby sister you can't..."

It sounded as if Kenny scrambled out of bed. His feet padded lightly on the wood floors as he ran down the stairs. Apparently he was looking for him. He heard his muffled voice as he ran throughout the house, then moments later his feet seemed to stampede up the stairs.

In less than a second, Kenny was in the doorway of the office with tears in his eyes and a completely ashen face. Butters felt his heart sink and guilt clenched his stomach.

"Karen you're not serious. You're not pregnant... you... you said you were waiting, you... fuck." Butters heard her talk calmly on the other end, although he couldn't understand what she was saying. "Say what now?"

Butters closed his laptop and rolled away slowly on the office chair as Kenny's ice blue eyes narrowed on him. "You're not just saying that so I don't castrate your boyfriend?" his voice seemed to waver slightly and he cleared his throat. "...so you're not pregnant." Another break. "I know, I didn't think you... yeah, I'm sure I respect that decision more than anyone. All right, all right... no I'm not mad at you." Butters swore he heard his name and Kenny sighed. "Yeah, I know. I'm going to be speaking to him now... I'll see you at the rehearsal, love you."

The dark blonde ended the call and closed his eyes as he took a deep breath.

"Leopold Stotch," his tone was cold and his eyes were dark. "What the hell gave you the idea to do that?" Butters blinked up at him and realized for the first time Kenny wasn't just frustrated at his wake-up method. Right now he was pissed... and it took a lot to get him to that state.

"I-I..." damn his stutter. He hadn't stuttered around Kenny in so long. But this didn't seem to make an impact on Kenny, who sent a cold glare in his direction. "I figured... I dunno... you'd be relieved she wasn't."

"Oh I am," Kenny snapped, "I'm overjoyed that my sister isn't pregnant and has stuck to her guns. What I... come on, you know how I feel about that! Seriously, what made you think that that could have been even a semi-decent idea?!" he was yelling now and his voice strained from his tone; he didn't usually use such volume. But Butters could understand why he was upset, although it wasn't exactly fair.

"Well, she agreed and it woke you up so the idea fulfilled its purpose. I'm not sorry." They didn't usually argue, and Butters was worried that what he just said would turn into argument number six. Kenny's eyes flashed fiercely as he stared down at him with pure anger in his expression.

"I don't care! She's my baby sister and-"

"Kenny, she's not a baby anymore!" Butters finally exploded. Kenny looked as if he had just been slapped in the face. "She's your sister but she isn't a _baby_. She's nineteen. Yeah, maybe she hasn't had sex and that's great but you can't keep trying to protect her from every little thing. She's in college, she's doing great and she has to have a chance to experience things! You see her as if she's five years old! Someday she's gonna get married, someday she's gonna have babies... do you honestly think you're that ignorant? You have to face it- she's an adult and she's afraid to talk to you about things because you see her as a little kid rather than a young woman who needs her brother's help!"

Kenny froze and Butters felt a chill as he exhaled. Butters opened his mouth to speak yet the taller of the two turned around and walked out of the room.

"Ken, wait-"

"Fuck off. I'm not talking to you right now," Kenny growled as he walked to their room. Butters rolled his eyes and followed him. He watched as Kenny dressed quickly, then walked down the stairs.

"Now _you're_ being the baby."

Apparently that was the wrong thing to say.

Kenny spun around and Butters flinched on instinct. His eyes were a blue blaze and he looked ready to kill. The shorter of the two grabbed the door and prepared to shut it, out of instinct. He was used to falling asleep against the door to make sure his father didn't come in at night. He knew he'd never have to do that with Kenny but right now he felt a little scared.

"You're treading on thin ice," Kenny warned lowly, "you have no fucking idea what you're talking about and you call me ignorant? You didn't grow up with a sister who was clinically depressed at the age of four. You didn't spend night after night holding her as she had panic attacks. You didn't spend your _whole life_ dying to make sure she was happy and healthy. And here you are telling me that I'm the one who is in the wrong? She is my responsibility! And I _failed_ her and I'm trying my fucking hardest to make sure I never do so again. So excuse me for being overprotective. Excuse me for giving a damn. You weren't there when they put her away and you didn't have to wash her blood off of you. So no, Leopold, I'm _not_ being the fucking baby. _I'm being the goddamn parent she never fucking had_!"

"So stop being her damn parent and be her brother!" Butters fired back, "that's all she wants from you... all she needs! She doesn't need a superhero! She needs _you_!"

Kenny threw the keys on the table and slammed his fist on the wall. Butters winced as he heard a crunch in his hand and couldn't help but wrapped his arms around himself. He knew he struck a nerve but Kenny needed to hear this; Karen wasn't a little girl anymore and she hadn't been for a long time.

"I..." Kenny trailed off finally and raked a hand through his hair. Butters put an arm on his shoulder and squeezed to reassure him.

"Don't you dare tell me you're not good enough, Kenneth," Butters grumbled finally. The dark blonde looked down at him and sighed. "Besides, you're gonna have to get used to the thought of her bein' pregnant someday. Especially if we're gonna have kids." Kenny raised an eyebrow and gave him a look.

"What does that have to do with anything?" He asked, still frustrated and in need of venting. But now he was mostly upset rather than pissed so he could hide that well.

"Well, I want kids. And you want kids..." Kenny nodded, "but you don't want your kids have your DNA for some stupid reason," Kenny scoffed. It wasn't a stupid reason, it was protection. "So... Karen and I were talking. If she's a viable candidate then... she said she'd want to be our surrogate mommy."

Kenny gawked.

"Say what?"Butters smiled a little and sighed. "When the hell did you have that conversation?"

"Two nights ago, when you were shitfaced." He explained. "She said that if she was a viable candidate then she would be more than happy to be our surrogate mommy." Butters could see the transition in Kenny's expression as he considered this idea. The anger was quickly being replaced with something else, and he felt his stomach knot with nerves as he approached this conversation on eggshells.

He knew he was treading on even thinner water; this was something Kenny didn't want to talk about.

"I thought you wanted to adopt." Butters nodded and took his hand in his.

"No, I still do! But... we could have a little us walking around too."

"A McStotchkick baby..." Kenny trailed off. The bright blonde could almost feel the excitement and dread radiate into him from Kenny. "Karen actually agreed to that?" Butters shook his head.

"It was her idea... just imagine it, Ken. We could actually have a kid who has both of our genes... or as damn close as we could ever get." The dark blonde laughed softly and wrapped his arms around his fiance. He wasn't so angry anymore, upset yeah, but now...

"A little munchkin running around with puffy bright hair and pretty blue eyes." The shorter of the two nodded and squeezed his hand.

"And freckles under his or her nose... and crinkles around their eyes when they laugh. Tall, too, very tall." Kenny laughed at that and exhaled softly as he held Butters tighter.

"She'd really do that for us?" He nearly whispered; almost too afraid to ask. Butters nodded and looked up at him, waiting to say what he would say or do next.

"Yeah, Ken... she'd do anything for you. For us," Butters added and smiled as Kenny just stared at him in shock. "Because she's your sister and she wants you to know that you can depend on her just like she can with you."

"Fuck..." he trailed off as he scrubbed a hand through his hair. "I'm sorry." Butters stood on tip-toes and captured his lips in a chaste kiss.

"Don't be sorry," he mumbled, "just... be her brother." He burrowed his nose in Butters' hair and inhaled the minty-lavender scent that always calmed him down. "Hows about we get ready, lover?" He suggested, leading him to the stairs.

"Whatever you say, daddy." Kennt teased with a smirk. Butters whipped around with a sour stomach and glared.

"We said no to that. Don't call me that again!" He wasn't angry, it just grossed him out. "Nasty freak," he grumbled as Kenny laughed with an almost sadistic tone as they ran up the stairs.


	22. Wake-Up Call

_Author's Note: Here's something different... I thought it would be interesting. A tad cliche... but we all fall into that from time to time, so I regret nothing. Enjoy :)._

* * *

They had gotten in a fight last night.

Butters didn't know exactly what started it. Perhaps it was one comment after another during the rehearsal. He was drunk half the night, anyway, and after the dinner and the practice they all went out and got wasted. He wasn't quite sure what all was said and done but he did remember actually screaming at Kenny for who knows why, and taking his car to Kyle and Stan's apartment because he didn't know where else to go. He was too angry with Kenny to even try to talk things out.

And he didn't remember why.

As he woke up on their living room couch he clutched his throbbing head and covered his eyes from the blinding light pouring through the window. He heard Stan and Kyle talking in their bedroom and he groaned softly as he sat up. He hadn't planned on being hungover for their wedding, but some things were unavoidable and he didn't regret it.

He did regret fighting with Kenny though. Especially because he couldn't remember what had started it, or what had been said.

"Hey, you're awake," Stan said as he walked out of the room, dressed in his tuxedo. "We've got a few hours before the wedding... we're gonna head down there now. Uh... are you okay?"

"Why am I even here?" He remembered leaving. He knew it was stupid for him to drive while drunk and he was sure that he ran a few red lights in his drunken rage. Kyle laughed a little as he walked out of their room and put his arm over Stan's shoulder.

"Well, I'm technically not supposed to be here either, so it's okay," Butters smiled feebly and felt his stomach churn with nausea. He couldn't get sick today. "Uh... you showed up at about four in the morning. After crying and puking for an hour you ended up falling asleep... that's honestly all I remember."

"Kenny and I got in a fight." Stan nodded and sat down next to Butters who probably looked as bad as he felt.

"I talked with you for a bit... kinda. Couldn't get ahold of Kenny but I'm sure he isn't mad anymore. You guys just have to talk... it's better to actually get what's bothering you out rather than suppress it."

"Trust me," Kyle grumbled. Stan raised an eyebrow at him.

"We _can't_ fight on our wedding day, dude!" The redhead poked his tongue out in response and went to the bathroom to tame his curls somewhat. The raven-haired man turned to Butters and squeezed his shoulder. "Listen, I'd say you could get ready here but I'm not having awkward best men toasts full of passive aggressive tension between you and Kenny. And your tux is at your house."

"I know... what if he hates me?" Butters asked, "I don't even know why we fought."

"Honestly, I doubt he remembers why either. Besides, he needs his alarm clock." Butters laughed softly and nodded before Stan hugged him. "It'll be okay, I promise."

Butters needed that extra hug, and the espresso Kyle made, to give him the strength to make his way to his car. He felt like he was doing the walk of shame, half-staggering, half-asleep as he stumbled to his car in the clothes he wore last night. Thankfully no one saw him.

He was nervous about going home but knew that he would have to sometime. Butters just didn't want Kenny angry that he was there. They didn't have the time to argue; they needed to be ready in a half hour at the absolute latest to make it to Estes Park on time. That meant he had to make sure Kenny was even awake and honestly waking him had gotten them to where they were in the first place so he was more than slightly terrified.

Butters sighed as he turned from the light and drove down three blocks. He followed the slight loop in the road, took a left, and found himself nervous as he stared at the house he called his home. It looked so quiet and calm. He was just afraid of the storm inside. Butters wasn't necessarily afraid of Kenny, he was just afraid of the fact that Kenny never got angry and right now he was just as furious as him, if not more. He was still confused on why he was angry; but his rage was almost blinding as he shut off the ignition and closed the door to his car.

He opened the door and was instantly greeted with the smell of their home. It was a nice smell, calm and comforting after a long day; like a warm hug. Only it brought a chill through his spine as he closed the front door. Everything was quiet and grey, as if the morning sun hadn't quite hit their house. Ursa perked his head up from the living room, by the couch, and Butters smiled as his tail wagged.

But he knew their dog was never not around someone. So that meant Kenny was in the living room.

At least he was awake, Butters figured as he walked into the room.

"Kenny, I'm home..." Butters trailed off uneasily as he stood at the side of the couch. His eyes widened as he caught sight of his fiance, however, and he shuddered in slight fear.

Kenny had a tendency to fall asleep with his eyes open and it made him look dead. The only reason Butters could even tell he was asleep was because of the glazed over look in his eye. If Butters didn't know any better he would be checking his vitals to make sure he really wasn't dead.

His legs were curled close to him and his arms were folded on his stomach. He was half sitting, half laying as he stared off into nothing; Butters followed his gaze and found him looking at the corner of the ceiling. He looked cold, goose pimples had risen on his skin, and he was wearing his Batman pajama pants and- Butters felt his heart ache as he saw he was wearing his senior class' theatre department t-shirt. He looked as if he had just fallen asleep, which was often the case with his sleeping with his eyes open problem.

But he didn't have time to plot a good wake up scheme, so he did the only thing that seemed logical. Kenny jumped as Butters hit him in the face with a pillow; his gasp instantly turned into a yawn and Butters saw his eyes water as he blinked.

"We have to leave in like twenty minutes if we want to make it early," Butters mumbled, looking away as Kenny rubbed his eyes and ran a hand through his hair. "I'll be ready in ten minutes." He was short and to the point.

Kenny said nothing as Butters disappeared up the stairs and into their room. It was warm as he entered the room, and the bed was still made, which was always his doing. Butters sighed as he rested his head on the doorway and stared into the room; he hated fighting with Kenny. This feeling always happened right after, and right now looking in their room made him want to burst into tears.

Because he wasn't happy, but their room was the happiest place he could think to ever go. And it was left just as they had left it last night. Not a single thing looked out of place.

What did he and Kenny fight about in the first place?

He heard a floorboard creak; the bright blonde turned to find Kenny standing there, staring into the room with a lost expression as well. Then again, he also looked ready to pass out.

"If you thought I could sleep in their on my own you're fucking stupid," Kenny mumbled. Any other moment Butters would have laughed; all he could think was how relieved he was that Kenny felt as put off by their room as he did right now. "I'll be ready in five minutes... coffee's on. You look beat." Butters smiled, though Kenny couldn't see it. He could go for another coffee.

He just didn't like how normal this felt. Something was off and it was bothering Butters. What bothered him more was the fact that no matter how hard he tried he couldn't remember why they fought. It almost seemed pointless now; except the thought of Kenny made him feel empty, guilty.

"What happened?" Butters finally asked. Kenny froze and stared at the ground as he tried to think of what to say. The dark blonde finally looked up and shrugged his shoulders.

"I was pretty out of it so I don't remember much, honestly. From what I remember it was just carried on from yesterday morning. I'm sorry, it was my fault." Butters furrowed his eyebrows at his immediate blame. "I'm done arguing... it was my fault in the first place. So I'm sorry." Butters narrowed his eyes and folded his arms as he looked to his fiance.

"I was so drunk... I don't remember a thing. I don't even know why we argued and... it all seems so pointless."

"That makes two of us," he responded calmly. "I just think it's done with... whatever it was. We've got Style's wedding to go to and we can just forget about it. I don't care, we ca-"

"I don't want to forget about it, Ken." Butters couldn't stop himself from saying, "that's not how we'll fix anything."

"Well, I'm sorry, but I really don't want to talk about it." Butters felt a pang in his heart as he realized it probably dealt with more than just a simple fight. Kenny looked as if he really didn't want to talk about it though; he just wanted to know who had done what?

"Did someone cheat on someone?" Kenny scoffed and shook his head as he carefully dressed in his tuxedo pants; he had never worn anything so fancy and Butters knew he was more than a little nervous.

"No, no cheating. Lee, I really don't want to talk about this."

"Well fuck you, I do. I don't remember anything that happened and now I'm pissed off." Kenny gave him a pleading look as he pulled on his undershirt before the white button up. "And hungover and I really want coffee and a hug because I feel like crying but it'll hurt my head even more."

Kenny stopped buttoning his shirt and sighed sadly as he looked at Butters. He opened his arms and the bright blonde burrowed his head in his chest. He closed his eyes and felt his long fingers run through his still sleep-mussed hair.

"You won't understand if I told you... you'll just be even more upset and wereally need to leave."

"Well I'm not leaving until you tell me. I'm not even getting ready until you tell me." He heard Kenny's audible annoyance as he led them to their bed, then sat down. Butters perched on his lap and looked into Kenny's eyes.

"Something happened last night but you're not going to remember."

"I don't," he grumbled. Kenny shook his head.

"No, even if you try you won't remember. Yeah, we were a little annoyed with each other because apparently we didn't finish our conversation from earlier," Butters nodded slowly, "but we weren't to the point of arguing where you deemed it appropriate to leave for the night."

"Then why did I leave?!"

"Do you remember anything at all after the bar?" Butters closed his eyes and tried to remember. He just remembered drunk staggering and laughing through the dark streets. Laughter.

Then he was at Stan and Kyle's apartment screaming and crying and unable to talk. He was furious and depressed and they didn't seem to understand why, so they let him puke and sleep on the couch.

"We didn't come back here." Kenny shook his head, "if I went to Kyle and Stan's... you had to have been here. I mean, you're here now. But you weren't then... where did you go? What the hell happened, Kenny?!"

The dark blonde looked as if he had struck a nerve. He was extremely pale and almost trembling as he held his breath, waiting for Butters to put the pieces together that he didn't have.

"We're gonna talk about this later. _We really need to go_," Kenny mumbled, pushing against the small of his back for him to stand up. Butters glowered at him and put more of his weight down; Kenny could still lift him off he so wanted to.

"Kenneth, if you so much as get up before this conversation is done, you are dead." He mumbled something inaudibly in response and the bright blonde glared even darker. "What was that?"

"I said I already was," Butters furrowed his eyebrows and kept his intense stare on Kenny. "And that was too much. _We need to go, come on_."

"No!" Butters screamed this time, and grabbed Kenny's shoulders. "Is that how you feel?! Dead? W-why would you say something like that? I thought you were happy! I thought you-" Kenny laughed sadly and shook his head.

"I am happy, I'm not dead emotionally. This is why we aren't talking about this. You won't under-"

"Don't tell me what I can and can't understand! Don't! I grew up with that idea my entire life! Oh, he's just cute little innocent Butters, he's so naive, just let him keep believing things that aren't real. I'm not fucking cute and I'm not fucking innocent! I don't need that bullshit from you, so just tell me." He shoved Kenny down on the bed, wanting to put some shock into him, but punched the mattress when he just looked calm, as if he had expected all of this.

"You need to get up," Kenny said, "and then I'll tell you."

Butters shook his head. He had to know. He couldn't be left without answers. Kenny was telling him right now.

"NO!" Butters shouted finally, and punched the bed once again. Kenny flinched beneath him but said nothing. "Tell me what the fuck happened!"

Kenny sighed heavily.

"I got hit by a car," he finally said. "Last night we didn't fight. I died." Butters shook his head; if Kenny died he wouldn't be here now. If Kenny died he wouldn't be angry, he would be crying. Except, as Butters touched his face, he realized he was crying. He was crying and he couldn't stop.

"W-what?"

"There, I told you. Now you need to get up. _Come on, get up_!" He shook his head as he looked at Kenny strangely. What the hell was going on? His lips weren't moving. That wasn't his voice. That wasn't-

"Come on dude, get up! You need to be dressed in five and we need to get our asses over to your house to wake Kenny! C'mon!"

Butters startled and covered his mouth as he realized he had been sleeping. His frantic eyes looked around his surroundings; he whimpered as he realized he was back at Kyle and Stan's house. He wasn't home. He was here... and that was all one fucked up dream. But, as Butters shot up from the couch and ran out of the house without a single explanation to Kyle and Stan he couldn't shake the feeling that it wasn't a dream after all.

He needed to wake Kenny.


	23. Out in the Open

_Author's Note: Here's something even more different; a continuation *le gasp*. Yeah, that last chapter was meant to be confusing and pretty much the entirety of it was a dream; cliche. But eh, things happen. So it was actually based on memories, what Butters did remember, and what happened before rather than what actually occurred. Butters hadn't been angry, he was left a wreck after Kenny died but didn't exactly remember, which is why he thought they had fought (same general feelings, explains Kenny's absence). So yeah, this should clear things up._

* * *

Butters zipped up the front porch and yanked at the front door. He ran into it when it didn't open, and quickly fumbled with his keys. After two tries the door finally unlocked and he pushed his way through. Their dog barked ferociously from the living room and suddenly he had the sensation of deja vu. Only as he entered the room he realized Kenny wasn't on the couch.

He checked the kitchen, bathroom, dining room, office, and their bedroom. Kenny was nowhere in sight. Tears burned his eyes and he shook his head; Kenny wasn't dead. Kenny couldn't be dead. He couldn't lose him... or live without him. He was the reason he was even alive right now.

Tears burned his eyes as he called Kenny's cell phone. A part of him was both thankful and devastated that he didn't hear his phone ring. He didn't want to walk into a room and find him dead but at the same time he would like to know he was okay.

"Hey Butters," he furrowed his eyebrows as he heard Carol McCormick's tired voice.

"Mrs. McCormick, is Kenny with you?" He asked with a tone of surprise. Butters heard her sigh heavily.

"Yeah, sweetie. He uh... I needed him for somethin'. I'm sorry hon, can you come get him? He's real tired and I don't want him to drive." Butters nodded, although she couldn't see.

"Of course. I'll be there as soon as I can."

"Don't rush now, dear. And be careful!"

After an exchange of motherly words, Butters hung up the phone and bolted out of the house. He took off faster than he ever drove, although he didn't necessarily need to. He knew Kenny was okay and alive. It had all just been a messed up dream. He just couldn't shake the awful feeling that it was real.

All he needed to do was see Kenny, feel him, and tell him he was sorry. That the fighting was all his fault and he would do anything to never fight again. He just wanted to hold him and hear his heartbeat, because the worst feeling in the world was uncertainty coupled with loss. Honestly, he felt empty. And it was almost suffocating.

Kyle and Stan could wait. This was much more important to him; they would still make it in time. In fact, everything about this day could go to hell because seeing Kenny and just fixing everything was all he wanted and needed to do.

But he didn't even know what happened last night. Had they fought? Or did something happen? He just didn't know and nothing made sense and it was driving him insane.

Butters found himself entering the South Park limits twenty minutes earlier than usual. He sped passed the stop sign and down the main street to Avenue de los Mexicanos; where most of them had all roamed as kids.

Going back to South Park was something he tried to avoid; there were hardly any good memories on this street. Just a lot of weird happenings.

Butters slowed down when the pavement ran out and his car was met with a dirt road after the train tracks; it wasn't even covered in gravel. He wondered if it ever had been. He stopped his car in front of the old fort that the McCormicks called home, and didn't even think to grab his keys before he sped out of the seat.

He ran up the cinder block steps and knocked impatiently on the door. Stuart answered and waved weakly; he was hungover and probably strung out.

"Hey, Mr. McCormick," talking to him was awkward. Butters wasn't sure if he knew just how close he and Kenny were. He also knew that Stuart's favorite was Kevin and Carol's favorite was Karen. Kenny always said he felt like his father's awkward son who he just didn't know what to do with. They couldn't relate.

Butters couldn't help but wonder what Stuart would think if he knew he and Kenny were engaged.

"Ken's sleepin' in his room," Butters nodded slowly and thanked him as he invited him inside. It smelled like pot and beer. The tin roof was rusted and there was water damage on the living room floor. He forgot how sad this house made him feel. Kenny didn't like to talk about his childhood home life and every time Butters was in this house he understood why.

He was just confused because he thought Kenny came here to help his mom with something. So why was he sleeping?

Butters opened the door to the bedroom that Kenny shared with his sister up until he moved with Butters. There were still a couple of posters with busty women, faded and ripped from age, and a few drawings Kenny had done as a teenager. Karen's side was still made up, with her band posters and her own various drawings.

Carol sat at the edge of Kenny's mattress and turned when she heard the door open. She smiled weakly at him and waved for him to come over.

"He's sleepin', I was just about to wake him up, didn't want you worryin' or anything," she murmured and ran a hand over Kenny's face. He looked peaceful and calm, as if this was the first time he had slept in days. Butters knelt down beside her and tried to shake the terrible feeling running through his veins. This felt surreal. "Sweetie, it's time to wake up." Carol said, brushing his bangs off of his forehead. Without them he looked like a young child again and it melted Butters' heart.

"Kenny," Butters took his hand and bit back the overwhelming relief as he felt his warm skin. "Ken, wake up." He just wanted to see his eyes looking back at him. He wanted to see his smile. He wanted to know everything was all right and it had all just been a dream.

Kenny's eyes opened slowly and they appeared out of focus for a moment. He made a quiet noise as he turned to look at his mom first, and smiled weakly.

"Sorry," he murmured. She just wore a sad smile and brushed a hand through his hair. Kenny's deep blue eyes shifted to Butters and he looked at him in shock for a brief second, then smiled sleepily. "Hey there, Buttercup."

"Hey... uh... you're gonna explain what's going on but we really need to go. Style's wedding is in like... three hours." At that, Kenny shot out of his old mattress and stumbled on numb legs as he bolted for the door.

"Shit! I'm not even... shit, shit..." He scrubbed a hand through his hair and looked to his mom pleadingly. She just lifted her arms, there was nothing she could do and he groaned. Butters furrowed his eyebrows.

"And I want to say I'm sorry, for everything. I'm sorry for fighting. I'm sorry for making you feel bad and saying those things yesterday, I know I was in the wrong and... I don't even remember what we fought about yesterday... did we fight? I don't know. I don't even know what's going on and I need answers... but I don't want anything to be ruined and I just needed to know you were alive and I don't know what's real or not. I just don't know!"

"Have you really not had this conversation?" Carol asked her son. Butters looked to her strangely and Kenny facepalmed.

"Yes, it's not my fault he forgets." Butters gave him a look this time.

"You knew this would happen going into a rel-"

"I know, I know, ma!" Kenny snapped out of frustration with himself than at her; she knew this. "It's a long story, hon, I just... can I explain it on the way?" Butters looked to Carol before nodding. He was probably more concerned about arriving on time than Kenny was; they didn't have time to sit and talk. "I'll see you and dad there?" He asked his mom, who nodded and pulled him in tightly for a hug. She kissed his cheek and gave a gentle nudge on his back.

"Course, baby. C'mere, you," she said to Butters, who suddenly yearned motherly affection as she held him tight and kissed his cheek.

They were quiet as they walked out of the house. As they approached Butters' car, however, the bright blonde stopped him.

"If you came down here last night to help your mom... where is your car?" Kenny sighed heavily and shook his head. "Kenneth..."

"The more I talk about it and the more I think about it the more often it'll happen," Butters tilted his head, "I figured that out. Every time I explain this to you... you end up forgetting." He was even more confused now, "Lee, I really don't think this is the right time for this conversation."

"I had a dream last night. You were telling me the same thing... how do I know this isn't a dream?" Kenny leaned over and pinched him.

"Did you feel that?" Butters nodded, "you're awake." Butters groaned and opened the door to the driver's seat. Kenny crossed his legs and turned so his body was resting on the door rather than the seat. "What happened in your dream?"

"I woke up at Stan and Kyle's after we got in a fight and we had a couple hours to get ready for the wedding. I went home and you were in the living room, doing that freaky eye open sleep thing you do and then you woke up and told me we really didn't fight but it's what my mind was making me see. That you got hit by a car and you died last night... and then I woke up to Stan telling me to get up... just like in my dream. And now I'm here in South Park and I don't understand why you're here! Did you fly here?!"

Kenny was quiet for awhile as he stared at his hands. Butters allowed him time to think as he drove down the open highway. When he glanced over he saw tears had welled in Kenny's eyes and he was shaking.

"W-what?" Butters stammered in mild surprise. Kenny shook his head and quickly wiped his eyes; Butters hated that he never let himself cry. "Ken, what's wrong?" He held up a finger and the bright blonde rolled his eyes before turning back to the road.

"What if..." he trailed off, then hissed in a breath and jammed the palms of his hands into his eyes, rubbing violently. Butters pulled his left hand away and saw the tinge of red in his eyes. "What if I told you that part of that wasn't a dream? What if I told you I couldn't die?"

The bright blonde blinked for a moment then let out an astonished laugh. Honestly, he knew that was probably the worst thing he could do but he did it anyway. He looked to Kenny, who had gone ashen, and bit back his laughter.

"You're kidding," he managed. Kenny's eyes gave a fierce flash and Butters' teeth sank down on his bottom lip. "What part?"

"The part about me dying... we were all running around and just having fun. I fell off the curb and got hit by a car and woke up in my bed in South Park. That's how it always goes." Butters gave him an odd look and nodded slowly.

"So this happens a lot," he deadpanned.

"At least once a week since I was about two... I'm cursed... by the Cult of Cthulhu. Only another immortal can kill me."

"W-wait, you're an immortal?!" Butters cried; this was getting out of hand.

"Yes!" he exclaimed, "and no one ever remembers me dying! But now you're... you're at least dreaming about it. If there was a way I could show you... I would. W-wait! Stop the car!" Kenny looked at the side of the road, up at a row of trees nearly five miles outside of South Park. He opened the door and ran out.

"Kenny!" Butters shouted after him, then took a shuddered gasp as he tried to comprehend what Kenny had been telling him. He was apparently engaged to an immortal who has died thousands of times and no one ever remembers. That, or he was engaged to a psycho.

Butters chose the former and grabbed his keys before running after him. He followed up the hill that Kenny seemed to fly over, and was embarrassed to be breathless nearly half way up; in his defense it was a really steep hill.

When he reached the crest, he found Kenny walking into the clearing. He turned around and waved Butters forward. As he approached, he saw granite. Butters shook his head.

"No," he blurted, then took a step back. Kenny sighed and grabbed his wrist, then dragged him back to the willow. Butters stared down at the tombstone and shook his head once more. His eyes burned and he rested his head on Kenny's bicep. As he read the epitaph over and over again, tears fell and he trembled in Kenny's arms.

_Kenneth McCormick_

_March 22 -_

_Sleep well little child, the Lord holds thee now._

The day of his death was blank, however, and Kenny knelt down to trace the blank slate.

"Come here," he whispered, Butters whimpered as he put his hand where Kenny's had been. "Feel that?"

He did. Invisible markings.

"W-what..."

"That's a three. When I die there's a date on here. When I come back you can feel the inverted number... when I'm going to die. I've got three days before I die again." Butters squeezed him tight and shook his head.

"NO!" He shouted, and pulled him as close as he could, "if this is true... if you really die and come back... if you're really immortal then... I'm not letting you die. Three days from now, an hour from now... you can't do that to me."

"...you believe me?"

"All I know is I feel empty. I.. I dreamed it, Ken. I... and you're..."

He sobbed as Kenny's arms wrapped around him. He was there, he was alive. His heart beat was constant in his ear. His breath was warm on his neck. He was there... alive.

Kenny dying and losing his memories of it made a lot of sense. For awhile Butters had been experiences black outs and blanks in his memories. He hadn't wanted to worry Kenny with it, but if he was telling the truth about his curse then his worry was now explainable. He just hoped to remember someday... and hoped to never experience losing Kenny again. He didn't want to think about how many times Kenny may have died.

"I love you," Kenny whispered in his ear.

"Don't leave me..." Butters whimpered against him, "don't let me forget... don't die." He lost it as he heard Kenny's quiet sob, and Butters clung to him for what felt like hours. But only a few minutes passed before Kenny pulled away with wet cheeks and sighed shakily.

"We... we really need to go," he whispered. Butters gave a nod and turned around. Kenny looked at him curiously and froze as he bent down to the ground, then stood once more with a handful of not quite bloomed wildflowers.

"For the times I didn't remember..." Butters whispered, setting a few down at the lonely grave. "And for the times I may not be able to save you," he set the rest down except one, "and one for you to come home to, and know I'm always waiting... and always going to love you."

Kenny took the small flower and held it with delicate fingers. Butters enclosed his hand over his and squeezed gently.

"I'm always gonna be the one to wake you, and greet you when you first open your eyes. I believe you, Kenny."

Butters arms were suddenly around Kenny, who rushed into an embrace. And for the first time in his life, Butters presumed, Kenny broke down in his arms.


End file.
